22 is usually the age when most people have their most options. The choices you make at that age will provide enough inner momentum to change the trajectory of your life unless there is a stronger external force. Inaction at that age is also something that’ll affect you as well.
It is more than likely at that age that you have finished at least two stages of education or started training for a profession. You are four years into adulthood and also would have experienced a lot of things on the personal relationships side. You are aware of who you are.
A friend who finished with a first-class degree from school told me that she intended to be married between the ages of 22 and 24 so that she wouldn't have to bother about that part of her life anymore. She got her PhD and did exactly that in record time. I was impressed.
She also came out of it not knowing what to do career-wise for the rest of her life. She had met all her early goals. PhD, wife, mother. We had to now figure out what she really loved doing which was organizing things and she chose a project management career where she excelled.
Coming to the end of that career, I am sure there is that burning question of what next? I have many friends in their late 40s and early 50s now who have that dilemma. Many call it middle life crisis. It comes from realizing that you may have lived most of your life for others.
At that age, self-actualization sets in for those who are accomplished already. For those who are still struggling it is regret and rebellion. There are so many unexplained divorces at that age and it is because a lot of people become unfaithful then. They try to live again.
Interestingly, I have spoken to people on both sides of the career and relationships spectrum in the last two months, and I realized that they are very intertwined. Your marriage will affect your career choices and your career choices may affect your marriage or even delay it.
I didn't get married on time and I kept telling myself that it was because I had not met the right person. The truth was that I wasn't bothered. My business came first and I was more obsessed with building it than committing to those other people in my life. That finally changed.
It changed when I met someone whom I knew my life wouldn't be the same if she wasn't in it. I found a way to blend work and life. When I started having kids, it coincided with the time of my serious career questions. I retired from my business and focused more on my family.
Doing this allows my wife to also commit to her career fully without wondering if anyone will have her back. I saw her career doubts early too because like my other friend she also accomplished most things right on time. First Class, Ivy League MBA, marriage, kids. What next?
We discussed all options and gladly she found what she loved. Went back to Oxford to do another post-grad that set her firmly on that path. That course correction was important. I made her talk to people like my boss @afalli who had been on that trajectory before. Not me alone.
@afalli I remember all of this today as I think of my friend with 3 kids who had left corporate to pursue her passion for cooking woke up moved with her kids to America and divorced her husband. I remember she had loved to write about her life and what she loved long before marriage.
@afalli She used to write about restaurants and food. I used to joke that she reminded me of Carrie in Sex and The City because that is exactly who she was like in London. Carrie loved Fashion, she loved restaurants and fine dining. She didn't find her Mr. BIG but settled. Don't settle.
@afalli Most of the frustrations people have later in life come from settling to accept and live their lives based on the rules others set for them. I almost got married at 25 because I was “making too much money” according to people and I needed someone to anchor me down.
@afalli I am glad that I was never anchored and I never settled. I am also happy that I experienced all the types of relationships people fantasized about in middle age early and saw that they were empty. My friend Ladipo Oke who married at 22 was right eventually. Promiscuity is useless
@afalli Dipo saw life at 22 very differently. He saw the endgame from the beginning. I am mentoring two 22-year-olds at the moment and I told them that I started my business at 22 because I woke up one day and realized my life had already started as an adult and I was fully in control.
@afalli Always be in control of your life. Don't live for others or you will forever be adrift. I know people still trying to find themselves after 60. An uncle ended a marriage of 42 years to restart. He created turmoil in everyone’s life around him with that decision.
@afalli This is why it is important to decide a lot of things early and course correct on time. The biggest problem most people have is that they think that they have time.
*mid-life crisis
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