How to handle those who pose as friends but talk badly behind your back.
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Requested by followers.
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If someone poses as a friend but talks behind your back, then they are no friend.
There's no reason why you should interact with such people unless your line of work demands you to.
So this thread assumes you are forced to interact with these individuals regularly.
There's no reason why you should interact with such people unless your line of work demands you to.
So this thread assumes you are forced to interact with these individuals regularly.
The first & most common (stupid) reason someone poses as a friend but talks badly behind your back, is because of jealousy.
You have something they don't, and it brings them pleasure extracting sensitive information out of you,
twisting them, and spreading it to bring you down.
You have something they don't, and it brings them pleasure extracting sensitive information out of you,
twisting them, and spreading it to bring you down.
The 2nd reason would be to comparatively make themselves look better for a specific purpose.
This is a rare, more cunning reason & has its merits of employing.
It is often exercised in a honest manner, i.e
they talk badly behind your back because you in fact did something bad.
This is a rare, more cunning reason & has its merits of employing.
It is often exercised in a honest manner, i.e
they talk badly behind your back because you in fact did something bad.
You have to first separate which category this 'friend' belongs in; whether they are jealous, or ambitious.
There's overlap here, but savvy ambitious people never let jealousy affect their judgement.
They wont twist words to make you look bad. They observe your mistakes.
There's overlap here, but savvy ambitious people never let jealousy affect their judgement.
They wont twist words to make you look bad. They observe your mistakes.
Jealous people who talk behind your back are easy to deal with. Don't interrupt your 'friendship' with them.
Simply publicise their habit to others in front of them: "If you don't hear it from me, no doubt you'll hear it from X".
This will instantly silence them.
Simply publicise their habit to others in front of them: "If you don't hear it from me, no doubt you'll hear it from X".
This will instantly silence them.
I've done this with great success. It works because it exposes their two-faced scheming out in the open.
They will be forced to correct themselves & never attempt it out of fear again.
Don't be bitter about it later. Maintain your 'friendship' with them.
Business as usual.
They will be forced to correct themselves & never attempt it out of fear again.
Don't be bitter about it later. Maintain your 'friendship' with them.
Business as usual.
Ambitious people that talk behind your back are not so simple. They are often accurate in what they say about you.
Because they're not prepared to ruin their own reputation.
That means you cant afford to reveal secrets or mistakes,
& familiarity will breed contempt.
Because they're not prepared to ruin their own reputation.
That means you cant afford to reveal secrets or mistakes,
& familiarity will breed contempt.
The best way to handle ambitious people is to become closer friends with them, observe their errors & hold something over them.
Just as they observe yours, they will not stop until you beat them at their own game.
Hide your incompetence, and observe theirs.
Just as they observe yours, they will not stop until you beat them at their own game.
Hide your incompetence, and observe theirs.
The threat is often more effective than the execution. If you have something over someone, there's no need to announce it.
But rather let them subtly know. And even more useful,
let them know that NO ONE else knows, YET.
This will reconsider their game with you.
But rather let them subtly know. And even more useful,
let them know that NO ONE else knows, YET.
This will reconsider their game with you.
I have turned many of these ambitious coworker "friends" into real friends.
Beating them at their own game & NOT announcing it, is the only way to silence them in taking advantage of your mistakes & spreading them to people with the capacity to punish your incompetence.
Beating them at their own game & NOT announcing it, is the only way to silence them in taking advantage of your mistakes & spreading them to people with the capacity to punish your incompetence.
You will reach a relationship where you find a common ground:
'lets help each other rather than compete by exposing our incompetence to others.'
But you have to be first to capitalise on their error, while being diligent with your work, words, & demeanour around them.
'lets help each other rather than compete by exposing our incompetence to others.'
But you have to be first to capitalise on their error, while being diligent with your work, words, & demeanour around them.
This thread assumes the person talking behind your back is a male.
Females talk behind peoples back for many reasons (excitement, boredom, drama, etc), none which require a response.
Ignore them, or again, publicise it in their presence.
Full essay on this will be on my blog.
Females talk behind peoples back for many reasons (excitement, boredom, drama, etc), none which require a response.
Ignore them, or again, publicise it in their presence.
Full essay on this will be on my blog.
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