How to be less weird:
1. Have less weird energy.
1. Have less weird energy.
Weird energy is the energy of unmet needs that goes unacknowledged.
It can be helped by
1. having needs met
2. having needs acknowledged
It can be helped by
1. having needs met
2. having needs acknowledged
When unmet needs go unacknowledged (because they’re unsafe), they become leaky.
Leaky means you simultaneously signal you want needs to be met and you don’t.
This is confusing, and makes people stay away.
Leaky means you simultaneously signal you want needs to be met and you don’t.
This is confusing, and makes people stay away.
It’s a simple step, but one people forget, because they’re focused on behavior, action.
Vibe and energy matter just as much, and more productively and joyously at first.
Vibe and energy matter just as much, and more productively and joyously at first.
You matter, and your having less weird energy in yourself matters, regardless of if anyone else sees it or not.
This is the guy at a dance party who hovers too close but not close enough.
He wants more from you, and he can’t say it.
He is leaky.
He wants more from you, and he can’t say it.
He is leaky.
There’s girl versions too.
The girl who wants more words of affirmation from you, but won’t say it.
Or who’ll say it, but because she really wanted you to say them without her asking, she’s mad at herself for asking too.
The girl who wants more words of affirmation from you, but won’t say it.
Or who’ll say it, but because she really wanted you to say them without her asking, she’s mad at herself for asking too.
She wants to get close to you and far at the same time.
She is leaking; god help her.
She is leaking; god help her.
What do?
You can
1. have your needs be met (hard)
2. acknowledge your needs
You can
1. have your needs be met (hard)
2. acknowledge your needs
What hurts about leaky energy is it’s in denial, and needs you to be too.
They need to believe they don’t have unmet needs, and needs you to believe it too.
But it’s not true.
They need to believe they don’t have unmet needs, and needs you to believe it too.
But it’s not true.
People don’t want to make you unhappy.
They hate having to choose between you not feeling ok and buying into these false beliefs.
So they leave.
They hate having to choose between you not feeling ok and buying into these false beliefs.
So they leave.
Be with the hurt.
The fact is:
1. You have needs.
2. They are not getting met.
This is embarrassing. People are going to think less of you for it.
AND it’s true you can be with the hurt and own it.
People may even respect you more for it.
The fact is:
1. You have needs.
2. They are not getting met.
This is embarrassing. People are going to think less of you for it.
AND it’s true you can be with the hurt and own it.
People may even respect you more for it.
I have worked through a lot of pain on this account.
I found when I wore my hurt on my sleeve . . . somehow it wasn’t so unsafe anymore.
I was joyful. I was expansive. I had desire.
I found when I wore my hurt on my sleeve . . . somehow it wasn’t so unsafe anymore.
I was joyful. I was expansive. I had desire.
Everyone has needs they feel insecure about. (Even hot girls.)
When they see you own up to it (what they could already see), and so boldly work towards it, they can’t help but respect you a bit.
When they see you own up to it (what they could already see), and so boldly work towards it, they can’t help but respect you a bit.
As the guy who wanted more from a girl—
Wearing my hurt on my sleeve. Being with, and reminding myself, how much I want to be with her.
Having that be an easy fact of the background.
It is who I am. It is what’s here now. Because I’m acknowledging the subtext, it feels safe.
Wearing my hurt on my sleeve. Being with, and reminding myself, how much I want to be with her.
Having that be an easy fact of the background.
It is who I am. It is what’s here now. Because I’m acknowledging the subtext, it feels safe.
None of this has to be explicit.
Don’t walk up to someone and say “I’m needy btw.”
Do walk up to them—keeping in mind your neediness, and loving yourself for it.
Don’t walk up to someone and say “I’m needy btw.”
Do walk up to them—keeping in mind your neediness, and loving yourself for it.
It’s a small change, but when you walk up to me this way, I get to feel all of you.
It all feels available, and right there.
Not hidden or locked behind boxes.
It all feels available, and right there.
Not hidden or locked behind boxes.
So much is unsaid and unexplicit.
I call it Magical Boundary Work.
Nothing to do with words. Just what you’re feeling from the inside. And how you’re intending.
It translates to vibes.
I call it Magical Boundary Work.
Nothing to do with words. Just what you’re feeling from the inside. And how you’re intending.
It translates to vibes.
At any moment, there is a co-attunement, and a subtle responsiveness, “Hey, I get you,” as you build a psychic universe together.
Meeting your needs is the best, and the rock solid way to live human life.
Until then, acknowledge needs and bring them into the open.
Until then, acknowledge needs and bring them into the open.
Make friends.
Take your needs seriously, and post somewhere like here or r/BroPill where they’re taken seriously and wholesomely.
DM me, @visakanv, etc.
(That’s what I did anyway.)
Take your needs seriously, and post somewhere like here or r/BroPill where they’re taken seriously and wholesomely.
DM me, @visakanv, etc.
(That’s what I did anyway.)
This thread seems to be striking a nerve.
Follows, RTs, a coaching client who mentioned this one specifically.
Follows, RTs, a coaching client who mentioned this one specifically.
Some people have introducing themselves to me over DM. I love it!
Please say hi and share of yourselves đź’ž
Please say hi and share of yourselves đź’ž
I can’t schedule more coaching sessions this week, but DM me, and we can try the next 🦜
What I mean by a need:
I’m sooo, sooo happy people are interpreting the core of this as kindness.
There is no better solvent for drama than unyielding compassion.
There is no better solvent for drama than unyielding compassion.
What I mean by drama:
the LARP, to convince others of something, and distance them (and us) from ourselves
the LARP, to convince others of something, and distance them (and us) from ourselves
It works well enough, till it leaks or leaves you alienated, wondering if there is something more.
Different thread, but another person who gets it.
It translates to something like
Another thought:
I start to get nervous about a person’s energy when I begin to suspect they’ll get upset at me if I leave (in a way that doesn’t track with my expectations of the situation).
I start to get nervous about a person’s energy when I begin to suspect they’ll get upset at me if I leave (in a way that doesn’t track with my expectations of the situation).
Loading suggestions...