Words of advice for sisters regarding marriage
Why this topic is so important? Well, your husband can either be your Jannah or Jahannam! Easy upon the tongue, but difficult in deed...
There are many advices regarding this, like the famous beautiful Naseeha the daughter
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Why this topic is so important? Well, your husband can either be your Jannah or Jahannam! Easy upon the tongue, but difficult in deed...
There are many advices regarding this, like the famous beautiful Naseeha the daughter
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of 'Awf bin Muhallim al-Shaybani got from her mother when she was getting married.
This noble mother didn't need to give her daughter that type of advice which we nowadays need.
Because in their time it was normal that a woman is a woman and and not influenced by the West
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This noble mother didn't need to give her daughter that type of advice which we nowadays need.
Because in their time it was normal that a woman is a woman and and not influenced by the West
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and Kuf*** women who want to prove themselves to men and even be equal to them. Allah gave us a clear role and we shouldn't try to change it but rather learn to walk on this path...
I will leave out things like "Pray 5x a day, seek the pleasure of Allah etc."
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I will leave out things like "Pray 5x a day, seek the pleasure of Allah etc."
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But rather mention things that are common reasons for arguments in a marriage.
But first of all, remove the image of a "prince on a white horse" from your mind, there's no such thing. Not because there aren't good men, but because the demands we make (most of them) can't
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But first of all, remove the image of a "prince on a white horse" from your mind, there's no such thing. Not because there aren't good men, but because the demands we make (most of them) can't
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be fulfilled by the lions of this Ummah. We expect so much, even when we are not aware of it. "He should have endless Sabr with me, overlook all my mistakes, cook and clean with me..."
Don't always answer him back especially in an arrogant way. The husband is an Amir,
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Don't always answer him back especially in an arrogant way. The husband is an Amir,
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I would like to know what an Amir would do with a Mujahid, if he always answers him back?
If he commands you to do something, then hear and obey. "We hear and we obey - those are the successful." (24:51)
You answering him back will likely just cause more issues and at the
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If he commands you to do something, then hear and obey. "We hear and we obey - those are the successful." (24:51)
You answering him back will likely just cause more issues and at the
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end his mind won't have changed anyways. Therefore do your duty and give him his right of your obedience. As long as he doesn't call you to evil, obey him even if you don't like it.
If you want to go somewhere and he doesn't permit you for some reason, say khayr inshaAllah,
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If you want to go somewhere and he doesn't permit you for some reason, say khayr inshaAllah,
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you don't know what Allah might protect you from at this meeting or on your way to it. Always think good.
Protect his honor. Don't make jokes about him that could hurt him, like about his appearance, character or behaviour. Too much joking and laughing removes the cloak of
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Protect his honor. Don't make jokes about him that could hurt him, like about his appearance, character or behaviour. Too much joking and laughing removes the cloak of
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respect, therefore keep this within limits. Have respect for him in everything he does and don't raise your voice in his presence. Don't make him feel that you are the one "wearing the pants" at home. Don't do what the Kuff** women do day in day out. Enjoy your role as pearl
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in Islam.
Honor his gifts. If he gifts you anything (and be it just a Miswak) honor it, don't say "Oh, just Dunya stuff". Use it and praise his gifts "secretly" in his presence.
For example, if he gifts you beautiful clothes, wear it occasionally and look at yourself in the
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Honor his gifts. If he gifts you anything (and be it just a Miswak) honor it, don't say "Oh, just Dunya stuff". Use it and praise his gifts "secretly" in his presence.
For example, if he gifts you beautiful clothes, wear it occasionally and look at yourself in the
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mirror when he is present and tell him how much you like it.
Say "JazakAllahu khairan" and make Du'a for him. Also don't lose his gifts or forget them at someone's house.
If you see shortcomings in him give him Naseeha in a way that befits a woman. If he doesn't read Qur'an
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Say "JazakAllahu khairan" and make Du'a for him. Also don't lose his gifts or forget them at someone's house.
If you see shortcomings in him give him Naseeha in a way that befits a woman. If he doesn't read Qur'an
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regularly or doesn't pray Qiyamul Layl, be a role model and do better. Or ask him in a soft way to "explain you again" how to pray Qiyam or that you love listening to his Tilawah...
Usually a husband feels happy and loves to instruct and teaches his wife and to feel needed
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Usually a husband feels happy and loves to instruct and teaches his wife and to feel needed
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by his wife. If you try to command him, he will hate it and not do it.
And don't always rub his mistakes and shortcomings in his
face. This will lead to nothing and is annoying. If he isn't able to do some things, try to think good of him. A man has different burdens than a
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And don't always rub his mistakes and shortcomings in his
face. This will lead to nothing and is annoying. If he isn't able to do some things, try to think good of him. A man has different burdens than a
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woman, especially if he is in the service of this Ummah. A man will always have different burdens upon his shoulders that a woman doesn't.
Have Sabr with your husband. If you argue, have Sabr (as long as he has the right Aqeeda and Manhaj). Don't immediately raise your
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Have Sabr with your husband. If you argue, have Sabr (as long as he has the right Aqeeda and Manhaj). Don't immediately raise your
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voice if you disagree with something or dislike it, don't say "But me, me, me..."
This will only lead to more arguments.
Be patient and listen to what he has to say and try to reflect and think that the fault might also be in you. In the beginning of a marriage it anyways
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This will only lead to more arguments.
Be patient and listen to what he has to say and try to reflect and think that the fault might also be in you. In the beginning of a marriage it anyways
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takes time until there is harmony, because there are suddenly two Nafs living together and arguments might happen over the smallest things.
If you see mistakes from him, overlook them. Except if he does major sins or disgusting things, then again use Hikmah and soft words.
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If you see mistakes from him, overlook them. Except if he does major sins or disgusting things, then again use Hikmah and soft words.
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And whenever you have an argument, don't use his mistakes against him!
Honor his family. And never speak bad about his family, even if they are Kuf*** and even if he himself speaks bad about them. Always mention their good sides. And also never speak bad about your own
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Honor his family. And never speak bad about his family, even if they are Kuf*** and even if he himself speaks bad about them. Always mention their good sides. And also never speak bad about your own
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family, it will just decrease his respect for you.
Motivate him. Motivate him to fast every Monday and Thursday, to work out, to pray in the Masjid at least once a day, to meet brothers, to read books, listen to lectures, motivate him to Khayr!
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Motivate him. Motivate him to fast every Monday and Thursday, to work out, to pray in the Masjid at least once a day, to meet brothers, to read books, listen to lectures, motivate him to Khayr!
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Motivate him to invite guests often. And treat them like kings. Follow the Sunnah of Ibrahim alayhisalam, don't be stingy and serve them all you have. And when you are invited to an Aqiqah or Walimah or for dinner, motivate him to accept the invitation, because it is
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recommended to accept an invitation as long as there is no major reason that speaks against it.
Cover your husband. Don't speak to other sisters about your husband, about what he likes, dislikes and how he is. That's of no one's interest and never, wa audhubillah, speak
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Cover your husband. Don't speak to other sisters about your husband, about what he likes, dislikes and how he is. That's of no one's interest and never, wa audhubillah, speak
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about intimate things! This just leads to Hasad and evil eyes.
Give him a treat once in a while by making a tasty dessert. Don't ask him if he wants it or not, just do it! A tasty cake, a tasty milkshake etc. This small act will being him joy and it is very easy.
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Give him a treat once in a while by making a tasty dessert. Don't ask him if he wants it or not, just do it! A tasty cake, a tasty milkshake etc. This small act will being him joy and it is very easy.
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Find out what food he likes and what he doesn't like that much and cook according to it.
Beautify yourself for him. Find out which colors he likes, dislikes and dress according to his taste. Never color or cut your hair without discussing it with him beforehand, maybe he
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Beautify yourself for him. Find out which colors he likes, dislikes and dress according to his taste. Never color or cut your hair without discussing it with him beforehand, maybe he
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would dislike it.
Be modest (not too demanding). Show gratitude and satisfaction with everything. If he has less money, say alhamdulillah. And never complain about poverty or such, his will just increase his burdens.
Adjust to him. If he had bad mood for whatever reason,
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Be modest (not too demanding). Show gratitude and satisfaction with everything. If he has less money, say alhamdulillah. And never complain about poverty or such, his will just increase his burdens.
Adjust to him. If he had bad mood for whatever reason,
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help him and don't act overly happy in such moments and vice versa. I'm not saying you should also be in bad mood then, but show patience. If he goes through a trial, don't ask him to drive you to sisters so you can enjoy yourself there while he is sad at home.
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Don't let his nose smell bad odors at home. Once in a while use Bakhour or incense sticks, and of course you should also not smell bad.
Try to go out less as possible (and just with a Mahram). "Stay in your homes.." (33:33)
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Try to go out less as possible (and just with a Mahram). "Stay in your homes.." (33:33)
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Never speak about your Jahiliyya. It could just ruin the image he has of you, the respect and him seeing you as a "Tahira". And also don't speak about men who asked for your hand to "make him jealous". This creates many feelings, but not jealousy, Allahu'l musta'an...
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And also never mention the names of other men, give his friends names like "that Iranian brother" or something like "that brother of yesterday" and don't say their names.
And also never speak about other women. Never speak about the looks of other sisters and also find
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And also never speak about other women. Never speak about the looks of other sisters and also find
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Kunyas for them and avoid mentioning their first names in his presence. If you speak with sisters on the phone, don't let him hear their voice or just change the room. Because a beautiful name can also be a Fitnah for a man, let alone a beautiful voice.
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And never say things about other sisters like "Sister Noura has such a beautiful Tajweed and prays Qiyamul Layl the whole night" This will just cause him to think about other women and think bad of you.
Hide your 'Awrah. If he is on the phone with brothers,
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Hide your 'Awrah. If he is on the phone with brothers,
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don't speak, don't let them hear your voice. If brothers visit you, don't speak loudly in the other room and be a Saliha, don't let his guests see you. If you want something from him, don't yell his name through the house, rather knock on the door or message him.
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Make a daily plan. "Wake up before him, prepare breakfast, clean the house, dress pretty etc."
He should see that you also have a 24 hour job and not sit at home and do nothing. Place importance on cleanliness. Allah loves cleanliness. Men love clean women.
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He should see that you also have a 24 hour job and not sit at home and do nothing. Place importance on cleanliness. Allah loves cleanliness. Men love clean women.
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But also don't forget the essential things, just because dressing up for the husband is 'Ibadah, doesn't mean reading Qur'an isn't an 'Ibadah anymore. Therefore learn Arabic, Qur'an, listen to Durus and tell him daily what you were able to learn from the Durus.
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This will make him proud and his heart will be at ease, knowing that such a woman will be/is the mother of his kids, inshaAllah!
Never tell people about the problems in your marriage. Not your own family or sisters. You have Allah azza wa jall
"And when My servants ask
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Never tell people about the problems in your marriage. Not your own family or sisters. You have Allah azza wa jall
"And when My servants ask
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you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided." (2:186)
If you need urgent advice, don't ask your best
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If you need urgent advice, don't ask your best
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friend, ask a neutral person who has experience and is also married.
What could a unmarried person tell you about marriage?
Be tidy. It could be possible that he comes home earlier and forgets to inform you or some guests could visit spontaneously. So be tidy as possible.
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What could a unmarried person tell you about marriage?
Be tidy. It could be possible that he comes home earlier and forgets to inform you or some guests could visit spontaneously. So be tidy as possible.
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Avoid Israaf. Avoid throwing away food. If you have leftovers, reuse them, decorate the food differently and it will already taste better.
May Allah make us from among the Qanitaat and let us be good wives.
(copied and translated with some additions)
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May Allah make us from among the Qanitaat and let us be good wives.
(copied and translated with some additions)
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