On Aug 1, I woke up and didn’t want to get out of bed.
I felt…blank. Hollowed out. I’d felt this way for months.
I couldn’t enjoy anything.
I didn’t care about work.
I didn’t want to talk to anyone.
I wasn’t necessarily depressed. Objectively life was amazing...
I felt…blank. Hollowed out. I’d felt this way for months.
I couldn’t enjoy anything.
I didn’t care about work.
I didn’t want to talk to anyone.
I wasn’t necessarily depressed. Objectively life was amazing...
It felt like an inability to feel pleasure.
It didn’t add up. Life was good… Great even.
I had experienced a lot of amazing personal and work highs over the past year.
My kids were happy and healthy through COVID.
My marriage was stronger than ever...
It didn’t add up. Life was good… Great even.
I had experienced a lot of amazing personal and work highs over the past year.
My kids were happy and healthy through COVID.
My marriage was stronger than ever...
I was meeting an endless string of interesting people.
I got to work with some of my business heroes.
Chris and I took our first company public.
We bought a company we’d admired for years.
But despite all this, I felt like I had zero gas in the tank.
I got to work with some of my business heroes.
Chris and I took our first company public.
We bought a company we’d admired for years.
But despite all this, I felt like I had zero gas in the tank.
It didn’t matter what the win was, nothing made me feel good anymore.
I’d jump from email to email, trying to find the RIGHT thing to work on.
I’d jump from TV show to TV show trying to find the PERFECT thing to watch.
I’d jump from email to email, trying to find the RIGHT thing to work on.
I’d jump from TV show to TV show trying to find the PERFECT thing to watch.
I’d skip from book to book trying to find something that would SCRATCH THAT ITCH.
But…nothing. None of the usual excitement and motivation. No hit.
I thought maybe I was having a midlife crisis. I couldn’t figure it out.
So, I decided to take August off.
But…nothing. None of the usual excitement and motivation. No hit.
I thought maybe I was having a midlife crisis. I couldn’t figure it out.
So, I decided to take August off.
I didn’t know what else to do.
For the first time in 15 years, I fully checked out.
I put up a vacation auto responder, delegated my email to my assistant, and told her to only call me in an emergency.
For the first time in 15 years, I fully checked out.
I put up a vacation auto responder, delegated my email to my assistant, and told her to only call me in an emergency.
I put my phone in a drawer and took off to our summer cabin for an extended vacation.
These are the rules I made for myself:
No work, no Twitter, no email, no news, no phone calls, no speaking to employees or business partners, no podcasts, no audiobooks, no music.
These are the rules I made for myself:
No work, no Twitter, no email, no news, no phone calls, no speaking to employees or business partners, no podcasts, no audiobooks, no music.
My only “treat” was a Kindle full of great fiction and some delicious food.
For the first 3 days, I was MISERABLE.
I was a huge asshole. Insanely irritable. Constantly tapping my pocket for my phone, only to realize I didn’t have it.
I felt PHYSICALLY angry.
For the first 3 days, I was MISERABLE.
I was a huge asshole. Insanely irritable. Constantly tapping my pocket for my phone, only to realize I didn’t have it.
I felt PHYSICALLY angry.
Like there was an itch I couldn’t scratch. A bug in my brain.
But after a few days, something interesting happened…
My anxiety started to mellow out.
I started feeling calm. I stopped waking up to a flurry of todos swimming around my head.
But after a few days, something interesting happened…
My anxiety started to mellow out.
I started feeling calm. I stopped waking up to a flurry of todos swimming around my head.
For once, I forgot about the need to move the ball forward.
I sat and read for hours on end without distraction.
The need to tweet my every insight or idea suddenly seemed silly.
I sat and took in the moment instead of trying to photograph it and text it to my friends.
I sat and read for hours on end without distraction.
The need to tweet my every insight or idea suddenly seemed silly.
I sat and took in the moment instead of trying to photograph it and text it to my friends.
I felt comfortable sitting on the beach and watching my kids build sandcastles for an hour.
I slept like a baby.
I realized that this was how I was SUPPOSED to feel. It felt like waking up.
Best of all? Nothing bad happened. The business was fine and nobody was upset.
I slept like a baby.
I realized that this was how I was SUPPOSED to feel. It felt like waking up.
Best of all? Nothing bad happened. The business was fine and nobody was upset.
After a month of this, I came home and had coffee with a friend.
I felt like a new man. Whereas before NOTHING made me happy, a month of quiet had flipped things on their head.
Suddenly….
I felt like a new man. Whereas before NOTHING made me happy, a month of quiet had flipped things on their head.
Suddenly….
The muzak playing in a cafe sounded like the best song I’d ever heard.
A business problem that would have frustrated me felt like a fun challenge.
A business problem that would have frustrated me felt like a fun challenge.
Listening to an audiobook felt like a special treat.
Even doing housework was kind of enjoyable.
The bar was reset. But I couldn’t figure out why….
Even doing housework was kind of enjoyable.
The bar was reset. But I couldn’t figure out why….
As I reacclimatized to the stimulus-filled world, I happened to listen to a Huberman Lab (@hubermanlab) podcast about addiction treatment with Dr. Anna Lembke, a world renowned expert on addiction at Stanford.
youtube.com
youtube.com
I figured it would be about cutting edge treatments for severe opioid addiction.
Not really relatable to me, just interesting.
Not really relatable to me, just interesting.
What I wasn’t expecting to learn was that I myself was a textbook addict who had unintentionally put himself into self-imposed rehab.
Dr. Lembke explained that most addictions arise from substances or activities that release dopamine.
Dr. Lembke explained that most addictions arise from substances or activities that release dopamine.
The obvious ones include things like cocaine, alcohol, and heroin.
While she treats drug addiction, much of her work actually focuses on people with more pernicious 21st century addictions to dopamine inducing activities.
While she treats drug addiction, much of her work actually focuses on people with more pernicious 21st century addictions to dopamine inducing activities.
Things like video games. Food. Social networks. Porn. Email. Exercise.
Even romance novels. Yes, romance novels.
Even romance novels. Yes, romance novels.
People can be addicted to ANYTHING that releases dopamine. And we are all doing it constantly in an unnatural way.
Our phones are dopamine machines, and, like alcohol, our society has normalized constant exposure.
Our phones are dopamine machines, and, like alcohol, our society has normalized constant exposure.
In the podcast, she describes dopamine as a neurotransmitter that creates both pleasure and pain.
Imagine eating a piece of chocolate cake...
Imagine eating a piece of chocolate cake...
You will obviously experience great pleasure eating it, but what people don't realize is that in the background there is a gnawing pain which makes you want more.
A craving for another dopamine hit.
Just once more bite. One more slice.
A craving for another dopamine hit.
Just once more bite. One more slice.
That’s the pain side of dopamine that pushes us to pursue more of the dopamine inducing substance.
As it does with opioids, cocaine, and alcohol, over time that pleasure/pain balance skews more and more to the pain side.
As it does with opioids, cocaine, and alcohol, over time that pleasure/pain balance skews more and more to the pain side.
The addict needs an ever-larger dose to experience less and less satisfaction and relief.
Eat a piece of chocolate cake once a month and it will be insanely pleasurable with only the faintest craving pain.
Eat cake once a week and it will be pretty tasty, but cravings might start popping into your head every once in a while.
Eat cake once a week and it will be pretty tasty, but cravings might start popping into your head every once in a while.
Eat cake once a day and you will start experiencing a daily craving pain.
A reminder that your brain expects the cake and you need to get it.
Eating it will still be satisfying, but day after day it will become less and less satisfying.
A reminder that your brain expects the cake and you need to get it.
Eating it will still be satisfying, but day after day it will become less and less satisfying.
Eat cake multiple times a day and you will experience extreme cravings, but eating it will only reduce the craving/pain and you’ll have to eat more and more each time to feel satisfied.
You won’t even enjoy the cake, but you will eat it to reduce the pain. True addiction.
You won’t even enjoy the cake, but you will eat it to reduce the pain. True addiction.
My jaw dropped as I put it all together.
Before my sabbatical, I was constantly sending emails and texts.
Tweeting my thoughts or checking what people thought of them.
Scrolling the news.
Making to-dos and ticking them off.
Getting to inbox zero.
Before my sabbatical, I was constantly sending emails and texts.
Tweeting my thoughts or checking what people thought of them.
Scrolling the news.
Making to-dos and ticking them off.
Getting to inbox zero.
Every moment of silence was filled. Every routine was completed.
Even when I was driving, I was listening to a podcast or audiobook.
Or on a call. Or using Siri to send texts.
If I forgot my phone on the way to the bathroom, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack.
Even when I was driving, I was listening to a podcast or audiobook.
Or on a call. Or using Siri to send texts.
If I forgot my phone on the way to the bathroom, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack.
And if I didn’t follow a strict routine of habits and “best practices” per day, I felt like my day was ruined.
I had been constantly trying to figure out the PERFECT thing to do in every moment to maximize my output, personal development, and moment to moment satisfaction.
And it was making me miserable.
And it was making me miserable.
It turned out that I had been doing the digital equivalent of eating chocolate cake every minute of every day.
Constant dopamine hits, every waking minute. No wonder it felt like nothing was satisfying anymore.
My dopamine hits had switched to the pain side. The addiction side.
My life was...too good? I had overstimulated myself with interesting, exciting things.
My dopamine hits had switched to the pain side. The addiction side.
My life was...too good? I had overstimulated myself with interesting, exciting things.
In the interview and her book Dopamine Nation, Dr. Lembke shares stories about college patients that would walk into her office at Stanford saying they lacked motivation and felt numb.
amazon.com
amazon.com
As she learned about their lives, it turned out that they spent hours a day on social media and gaming, two of the most dopamine-heavy things you can do outside of taking drugs.
Nothing could compete with the Fortnight and the Instagram feed—both programmed to trigger dopamine like a casino game.
Chocolate cake (video games) vs. broccoli (college lectures).
In contrast, everything else in their lives seemed like it had the volume turned down. A phenomenon seen in drug addicts.
In contrast, everything else in their lives seemed like it had the volume turned down. A phenomenon seen in drug addicts.
She prescribes a simple treatment: a prolonged period of “detox” away from the addictive activity.
After 4 weeks, most were reset, motivated, and enjoying life again.
After 4 weeks, most were reset, motivated, and enjoying life again.
Like these kids, I had inadvertently done my own detox.
Since then, I’ve been deep diving into best practices and implementing Dr. Lembke and Dr. Huberman’s recommendations to keep my habits healthy.
Here’s what I’ve done since:
Since then, I’ve been deep diving into best practices and implementing Dr. Lembke and Dr. Huberman’s recommendations to keep my habits healthy.
Here’s what I’ve done since:
- Removed all addictive apps from my phone. Email. News. Social media. Stocks. YouTube. Podcasts. Anything that had an inbox or feed, or that I could keep checking.
I used Screen Time to disable all the corresponding websites, removed my ability to install new apps, and had my wife set the passcode.
Dr. Lembke calls this “self-binding”. Removing the stimulus and making it difficult or impossible to access.
Dr. Lembke calls this “self-binding”. Removing the stimulus and making it difficult or impossible to access.
Like removing all the alcohol or junk food from your house so it’s difficult to obtain.
- Stopped managing my own inbox. I have fully delegated my email to my assistant and we now just do a weekly call to go through any emails she couldn’t figure out what to do with.
- Stopped managing my own inbox. I have fully delegated my email to my assistant and we now just do a weekly call to go through any emails she couldn’t figure out what to do with.
Shockingly, there are only 10-20 a week that she can’t handle herself. Previously, I was spending 3-4 hours a day managing my inbox and it caused me constant anxiety.
- Stopped reading the news and social media (sorry Twitter).
- Stopped reading the news and social media (sorry Twitter).
As much as I love you all, going forward, I’m going to tweet less, and when I do I’m using a one-way client so I can’t see what the response is (likes, mentions, followers, etc).
So don’t @ or DM me, I’m not watching. But thank you for reading :-)
So don’t @ or DM me, I’m not watching. But thank you for reading :-)
- Most importantly: created moments of silent boredom in my day-to-day life.
For example:
For example:
Driving in silence. Walking in silence.
Leaving my phone at home and wearing my Apple Watch with cellular instead.
When I feel frustrated with the boredom, I try to remind myself that this boredom is buying me future happiness.
Leaving my phone at home and wearing my Apple Watch with cellular instead.
When I feel frustrated with the boredom, I try to remind myself that this boredom is buying me future happiness.
That boredom = a reset of your baseline, and that it will keep the simple things enjoyable.
A friend recently put it well:
“Every up costs you a future down. Every down wins you a future up.”
A friend recently put it well:
“Every up costs you a future down. Every down wins you a future up.”
- Avoiding stacking too many dopaminergic activities/substances on top of one another or into one day.
Dr. Huberman talks about the dangers of combing multiple dopaminergic things creating reliance and reducing motivation.
Dr. Huberman talks about the dangers of combing multiple dopaminergic things creating reliance and reducing motivation.
For example: if you workout + you do a caffeinated pre-workout drink + you listen to a podcast + check your phone during + you look forward to a protein smoothie after.
Combing those things too frequently make it too easy to stop enjoying your workout and create extreme dopamine highs.
Apparently one important factor is intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation—doing a thing because you want to do it vs. because you get brain candy.
We’ll see where this experiment goes, but hopefully you’ll be hearing less from me going forward.
We’ll see where this experiment goes, but hopefully you’ll be hearing less from me going forward.
My name is Andrew and I’m a dopamine-holic 🥴
Are you?
If you have a visceral Michael Scott “NOOO!!!” reaction to the idea of implanting any of my rules, you just might be.
If you want to learn more, this podcast by @hubermanlab is a master class: youtube.com
Are you?
If you have a visceral Michael Scott “NOOO!!!” reaction to the idea of implanting any of my rules, you just might be.
If you want to learn more, this podcast by @hubermanlab is a master class: youtube.com
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