Last Tuesday, when I got set up/stolen from, I couldn’t sleep. I woke up multiple times at night. My AC was on full blast, but I was sweating profusely. My blood pressure rose & I had to log off this account to protect my mental health. Tbh, it was A LOT. 1/30
But it became clear to me that I couldn’t let the incident slide. I’ve spent my entire life taking the high road, letting things slide and killing with kindness. This time, I had to choose violence. Karma is a volatile bitch, so I had to go for the jugular. 2/30
As if the universe couldn’t be more poetic, someone I met on Grindr two months ago (now a friend) reached out. Shared his experience of being set up. Told me that if I wanted to teach them a lesson, he was solidly behind me and would support me. 3/30.
So, after a sleepless Tuesday night, I messaged the said friend. He reached out to his contacts in the Military (yes, Military) and we began preparing for war (there was a bit of blood, so it was war – but we’ll get to that soon). 4/30.
Meanwhile I sent my friend the WhatsApp number of the ringleader who set me up. My friend tactfully (you see why it’s important to be smart and/or educated?) struck conversation. He pretended to have chatted with him on Grindr & they got acquainted. 5/30.
Side note: those who set up queer men are often incredibly stupid. They’re scummy, underhanded, greedy, desperate for money & full of shit – but very often, they're also stupid, tactless & short-sighted. If you ever get kitoed (I don’t pray you do), remember this. 6/30.
Now because Nigeria is a fantastically homophobic country, I had to control the narrative. I told the military men & others that the guy impersonated a girl on Tinder and set me up with his gang. 7/30
And most Nigerians are also very shallow in their perception of sexuality. Their idea of a queer man is an effeminate man. By these narrow standards, I pass off a straight man – “masculine” and “straight acting” (terms I despise, but here we are). 8/30.
By this time, my friend had infiltrated. He pretended that he wanted to hook up with the ringleader, who in turn gave a location. I simply mobilised the police & army men to the said location the next morning. 9/30.
In going after them, my priority wasn’t the money. Painful as it was to lose, money comes & goes. I would make it back eventually. I considered the money they stole from me to be an act of charity – a blessing unto their wretched souls. 10/30.
My priority was to instil fear in them and inflict the sort of trauma that would be passed down to their generations unborn. I didn’t mind spending more money to achieve this. I mean, mobilising army & policemen cost me money – a lot of it. 11/30.
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