How to win an argument with someone who just won’t listen
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Ever argued with someone who won't even listen to reason?
Feels so frustrating, doesn’t it?
It’s as if they have a converter that filters out everything that you’re saying
and turns them into what they want to hear.
Feels so frustrating, doesn’t it?
It’s as if they have a converter that filters out everything that you’re saying
and turns them into what they want to hear.
Why do they do that?
Are they really that dumb?
Not really.
If they are really adamant about not listening to sense
then they are probably in a state called cognitive dissonance.
Are they really that dumb?
Not really.
If they are really adamant about not listening to sense
then they are probably in a state called cognitive dissonance.
But wait, a second - what the hell is cognitive dissonance?
It’s the state of having inconsistent thoughts, actions, beliefs, or desires.
It’s the state of having inconsistent thoughts, actions, beliefs, or desires.
A quick example...
An alcoholic says he loves his family but knows that alcohol is ruining his life.
He tried quitting but relapsed because of painful withdrawals.
So he comes up with excuses and even flat denies that he has a problem.
Just to stay consistent with his words.
An alcoholic says he loves his family but knows that alcohol is ruining his life.
He tried quitting but relapsed because of painful withdrawals.
So he comes up with excuses and even flat denies that he has a problem.
Just to stay consistent with his words.
It's why even the smartest person sometimes clings to the silliest beliefs.
The cost of changing that belief is too high.
And the worst thing that you can do to that person is to pile on logical arguments on them.
The cost of changing that belief is too high.
And the worst thing that you can do to that person is to pile on logical arguments on them.
It only forces them to dig their heels deeper.
So here are 7 signs of cognitive dissonance.
Tread carefully when you see them in someone:
So here are 7 signs of cognitive dissonance.
Tread carefully when you see them in someone:
1. Stunned by new information
They feel stunned by a realization.
They are at a loss of words. They stammer.
They look like a deer in a headlight.
But they don’t change their position. Not yet anyway.
They feel stunned by a realization.
They are at a loss of words. They stammer.
They look like a deer in a headlight.
But they don’t change their position. Not yet anyway.
2. Unable to summarize what the other person says
They keep drawing false conclusions.
It usually starts with the phrase - “so what you’re saying...”
Look out for that phrase.
That usually means that the other person has a raging storm going on within.
They keep drawing false conclusions.
It usually starts with the phrase - “so what you’re saying...”
Look out for that phrase.
That usually means that the other person has a raging storm going on within.
3. Mind reading
They try to read into your intent.
And often they are wide of the mark.
But they don’t let it rest.
They insist that you agree to their conclusion.
And when you don't it makes them more agitated.
They try to read into your intent.
And often they are wide of the mark.
But they don’t let it rest.
They insist that you agree to their conclusion.
And when you don't it makes them more agitated.
4. Moving goalposts
Trying to win an argument with them feels like trying to score a goal.
Only that they keep moving the goalpost.
They raise a point.
You provide a logical reply.
Suddenly it doesn't matter and they pick up another seeming inconsistency.
It’s maddening.
Trying to win an argument with them feels like trying to score a goal.
Only that they keep moving the goalpost.
They raise a point.
You provide a logical reply.
Suddenly it doesn't matter and they pick up another seeming inconsistency.
It’s maddening.
5. Yelling or getting angry
They lose their cool and start yelling at you.
They feel that their logic isn’t strong enough.
They are losing.
So they resort to verbal aggression.
They lose their cool and start yelling at you.
They feel that their logic isn’t strong enough.
They are losing.
So they resort to verbal aggression.
6. Ad-hominem attacks
They attack you instead of your argument.
This usually means they are on their last leg and now things are going to turn even nastier.
They attack you instead of your argument.
This usually means they are on their last leg and now things are going to turn even nastier.
7. Retreating from a point without making concessions
They switch topics suddenly without concluding them.
One moment they are passionately debating you.
The next moment they have moved on to something else.
And that too, without making any concessions.
They switch topics suddenly without concluding them.
One moment they are passionately debating you.
The next moment they have moved on to something else.
And that too, without making any concessions.
If you see two or three of the above signs then stop debating.
Stop with logical arguments because they will not get you anywhere.
You are dealing with a person in deep cognitive dissonance.
So the first thing you do is re-establishing rapport.
Here’s what you need to do:
Stop with logical arguments because they will not get you anywhere.
You are dealing with a person in deep cognitive dissonance.
So the first thing you do is re-establishing rapport.
Here’s what you need to do:
1. Crack a joke that does not insult them
Cognitive dissonance makes people go into a shell.
If they think of you as a threat, the shell will stay up.
Jokes cut through that.
If you signal that you’re not a threat and make them laugh, they will feel safe enough to open up.
Cognitive dissonance makes people go into a shell.
If they think of you as a threat, the shell will stay up.
Jokes cut through that.
If you signal that you’re not a threat and make them laugh, they will feel safe enough to open up.
2. Never rub it in
Now that the person has opened up, you will feel an urge to rub it in.
But suppress that.
If you rub it in right now to play the superior, the shell will go back up.
If you really want to win an argument, then choose kindness.
Now that the person has opened up, you will feel an urge to rub it in.
But suppress that.
If you rub it in right now to play the superior, the shell will go back up.
If you really want to win an argument, then choose kindness.
3. Don’t start holding them accountable immediately
They have just realized their inconsistency.
It’s uncomfortable, to say the least.
So don’t expect them to change their behavior right away.
Give them space to breathe and absorb.
They will come around in their own time.
They have just realized their inconsistency.
It’s uncomfortable, to say the least.
So don’t expect them to change their behavior right away.
Give them space to breathe and absorb.
They will come around in their own time.
4. Don’t hold their past a hostage
Overcoming cognitive dissonance takes courage.
So don't hold their inconsistencies against someone who's trying to overcome them.
They will have an urge to defend their actions.
They will fall right back into the old pattern.
Overcoming cognitive dissonance takes courage.
So don't hold their inconsistencies against someone who's trying to overcome them.
They will have an urge to defend their actions.
They will fall right back into the old pattern.
Now you know how to win an argument without making an enemy.
But this is only the start.
The real test lies in how to detect and face your own cognitive dissonances.
Because let’s face it.
We all have them.
But this is only the start.
The real test lies in how to detect and face your own cognitive dissonances.
Because let’s face it.
We all have them.
Do you dig in, unwilling to let go like a dog over its prized bone?
Or do you notice the signs, become aware, and change your stance?
Precious few can do that.
And those who do?
They reap untold benefits.
Or do you notice the signs, become aware, and change your stance?
Precious few can do that.
And those who do?
They reap untold benefits.
They see things that others can’t.
They are free of their ego.
They succeed in their relationships, at work, and in life.
Worth making an effort, won't you say?
They are free of their ego.
They succeed in their relationships, at work, and in life.
Worth making an effort, won't you say?
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Ready to get started?
Click the link below & enroll now 👇
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