How to blend in ANY group of people (without kissing ass & licking boots)
A social fluency thread:
A social fluency thread:
Disclaimer: Unlike my other threads, this is not for beginners & requires a certain level of social skills to be properly applied.
The following is a step-by-step process that will allow you to be part of any group of people you want without going out of your way.
Let’s say you join a new job, a new school, a new environment.
You know nobody and nobody knows you.
This is how you do it.
Let’s say you join a new job, a new school, a new environment.
You know nobody and nobody knows you.
This is how you do it.
Phase 1: Observe
A recurring fact for any group: They have their own codes and hierarchy.
During this stage, what you should start with is to mind-map the hierarchical structure of the group (define the leader, the outcast, the regular members & the occasional ones).
A recurring fact for any group: They have their own codes and hierarchy.
During this stage, what you should start with is to mind-map the hierarchical structure of the group (define the leader, the outcast, the regular members & the occasional ones).
Second, observe and notice their codes, internal vocabulary & habits.
This will help you with 2 things:
- Decide whether this is really a group you’d like to be part of
- Notice who and how you should approach
This will help you with 2 things:
- Decide whether this is really a group you’d like to be part of
- Notice who and how you should approach
An important thing to keep in mind is that two kinds of people are useless and will probably not help you with anything:
- Befriend an outcast will only lead you to become an outcast yourself
- Befriending an occasional member of the group will not help you
- Befriend an outcast will only lead you to become an outcast yourself
- Befriending an occasional member of the group will not help you
Phase 2: Distant and Self-sufficient
Nobody likes a needy idiot.
The point here is that the harder you will try, the less likely it is to work.
Remember that at this point, you don’t really know those people and chances are they have no interest in you either.
Nobody likes a needy idiot.
The point here is that the harder you will try, the less likely it is to work.
Remember that at this point, you don’t really know those people and chances are they have no interest in you either.
But, instead of chasing them, what you want to be doing is giving them the opportunity to get close to you rather than the opposite.
The surest way to do this is by being completely independent and self-sufficient.
The surest way to do this is by being completely independent and self-sufficient.
This does not mean that you should be rude to people; but simply exhibit a detached (but genuine) behavior.
It’s almost silly but it’s just how humans work.
Don’t try to “join the cool guys”, be the cool guy.
It’s almost silly but it’s just how humans work.
Don’t try to “join the cool guys”, be the cool guy.
This will result in them approaching you and asking you to join them for whatever they do together.
Say yes.
But only the first time.
Spend time with them then take distance again.
The reason is you don’t want to be the new guy that gets tested.
YOU test them.
Say yes.
But only the first time.
Spend time with them then take distance again.
The reason is you don’t want to be the new guy that gets tested.
YOU test them.
Phase 3: Impose Your Presence
What I mean by that is that you have no interest being friends with the regular members of the group.
The person you should target and get closer to is the one that calls the shots.
This is where it becomes tricky.
What I mean by that is that you have no interest being friends with the regular members of the group.
The person you should target and get closer to is the one that calls the shots.
This is where it becomes tricky.
Sometimes the leader of a group doesn’t even realize he is the leader.
Those are even more difficult to approach because they do not feel responsible for the others and consider that they have nothing to prove.
Those are even more difficult to approach because they do not feel responsible for the others and consider that they have nothing to prove.
As opposed to someone who is willingly and knowingly assuming a position of leader. This one will try and make you their subordinates at the first encounter. Hence the importance of taking distance.
What it does is that their so-called leader will try and get you back in the group.
Because they want to expand their influence.
Because they want to expand their influence.
What you should do at this stage is befriend them on their own; take them out of their comfort zone & treat them as an equal, nothing but a friend.
If the leader of a group values you as their equal, you have a higher status within their group.
If the leader of a group values you as their equal, you have a higher status within their group.
The golden rule of this thread:
The harder you try, the less likable you get.
The harder you try, the less likable you get.
End.
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If you enjoyed this thread:
1. Follow me @EgoDriv for more of these
2. RT the tweet below to share this thread with your audience
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