I miss being happy
I've had to pull the breaks on everything in my life to give myself space to recover
I know my brain is catastrophizing but, I feel like I'll never get back to the way I was
I'll just fade into irrelevancy as I watch other people achieve all the things I wanted to do myself
I know my brain is catastrophizing but, I feel like I'll never get back to the way I was
I'll just fade into irrelevancy as I watch other people achieve all the things I wanted to do myself
and for the rare moments of motivation I get, it lasts for about 10 minutes before I hit a roadblock and crash again
I feel like I can't be there for my community, my friends, my family, or even my partner, all in an attempt to be there for myself
but I don't even know if it's working
in the end I just feel like I'm disappointing and pushing everyone away for nothing
but I don't even know if it's working
in the end I just feel like I'm disappointing and pushing everyone away for nothing
I'm currently struggling just to keep up the bare minimum of, taking care of our cats, getting groceries, paying the bills, exercise, and go out at least once a day
everything was fine, I thought, until about two months ago, when it all just suddenly stopped
I was at the final stretch of the spline video I'd been working on for months, and now I can't finish it, because my brain is refusing to engage with anything that requires focus
I was at the final stretch of the spline video I'd been working on for months, and now I can't finish it, because my brain is refusing to engage with anything that requires focus
there's something about cats keeping you company when you're feeling sad
salad eventually left
I then hear a plastic toy being dragged across the floor all the way from the living room
he hops up into bed, toy in mouth
I then hear a plastic toy being dragged across the floor all the way from the living room
he hops up into bed, toy in mouth
and yes, it's very likely burnout (occupational depression)
I've only had one appointment with my therapist. the next one is in one and a half months, due to, everyone going on summer vacation around this time
I've only had one appointment with my therapist. the next one is in one and a half months, due to, everyone going on summer vacation around this time
from our first session, the recommendations until the next appointment were:
1. don't work
2. exercise regularly
3. go out at least once per day
4. make sure you get time and space to be alone
1. don't work
2. exercise regularly
3. go out at least once per day
4. make sure you get time and space to be alone
#1 is hard because I don't know entirely what it means to work when my work is what I genuinely like to do, so I'm just going to assume it's fine to recreationally noodle around with side projects, but I should ignore the things I "should" work on (Shapes and the spline video)
#2 (exercise) is hard, mostly because my usual DDR exercise is pretty loud when I'm at home, and ashley is home a lot, and there's a non-zero chance it's disruptive for my neighbors too, so I don't know how regularly I can do it
theoretically I could do some other exercise but there's no chance I'll be able to motivate myself into it
#3 (going out) I've actually been keeping this one up this past week. I've been going out with toast and salad, and I intend to keep that up, so, that's good
#4 (getting time and space to be alone) is a hard one when ashley works from home a lot, on top of her not feeling too good herself. the logistics are just, not there really. but we're trying to make it work
I could go out, but, that's not really being alone in the way I need
I could go out, but, that's not really being alone in the way I need
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