21 best insights from THE POWER OF REGRET:
Regret is not dangerous or abnormal, a deviation from the steady path to happiness. It is healthy and universal, an integral part of being human.
Regret offers us the ultimate redemption narrative. It is as powerful and affirming as any positive emotion.
Too much negative emotion, of course, is debilitating. But too little is also destructive.
Regret makes us human. Regret makes us better.4
Regret is better understood less as a thing and more as a process.
Regret doesn’t just make us human. It also makes us better.
By making us feel worse today, regret helps us do better tomorrow.
Our cognitive apparatus is designed, at least in part, to sustain us in the long term rather than balm us in the near term. We need the ability to regret our poor decisions—to feel bad about them—precisely so we can improve those decisions in the future.
When feeling is for thinking, and thinking is for doing, regret is for making us better.
Foundation regrets arise from our failures of foresight and conscientiousness.
When we handle it properly, regret can make us better. Understanding its effects hones our decisions, boosts our performance, and bestows a deeper sense of meaning.
Connection regrets are the largest category in the deep structure of human regret. They arise from relationships that have come undone or that remain incomplete.
The lesson of closed doors is to do better next time. The lesson of open doors is to do something now.
A solid foundation. A little boldness. Basic morality. Meaningful connections. The negative emotion of regret reveals the positive path for living.
A life of obligation and no opportunity is crimped. A life of opportunity and no obligation is hollow. A life that fuses opportunity and obligation is true.
We regret foregone opportunities more often than unfulfilled obligations.
If we look backward with the specific intent of moving forward, we can convert our regrets into fuel for progress. They can propel us toward smarter choices, higher performance, and greater meaning.
The sequence of self-disclosure, self-compassion, and self-distancing offers a simple yet systematic way to transform regret into a powerful force for stability, achievement, and purpose.
Don’t just relish the goal you’ve achieved. Review the steps that got you there. Spend less time celebrating the destination and more time contemplating the journey.
If we think about regret like this—looking backward to move forward, seizing what we can control and putting aside what we cannot, crafting our own redemption stories—it can be liberating.
Regret makes me human. Regret makes me better. Regret gives me hope.
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