How to handle difficult people without driving yourself crazy
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Think of the last time when you had a difficult conversation.
What started as an innocuous conversation, soon blew up into a full-fledged argument.
Sitting there, you could feel the stress levels rising.
Your breath started to get shorter.
You started getting angry...
What started as an innocuous conversation, soon blew up into a full-fledged argument.
Sitting there, you could feel the stress levels rising.
Your breath started to get shorter.
You started getting angry...
What did you do after that
Did you say something or do something that you regret?
Or did you walk away and later blamed yourself for not standing up for yourself?
Did you say something or do something that you regret?
Or did you walk away and later blamed yourself for not standing up for yourself?
Handling difficult people is …well.. difficult.
During these interactions, your body gets flooded with adrenaline, norepinephrine, and cortisol.
It’s fight or flight.
The rational part of your brain starts to shut down.
You can no longer think straight.
During these interactions, your body gets flooded with adrenaline, norepinephrine, and cortisol.
It’s fight or flight.
The rational part of your brain starts to shut down.
You can no longer think straight.
So what do you do in these situations?
Are you doomed to regret and rumination?
No way, Jose.
So here’s how to handle difficult people without driving yourself crazy:
Are you doomed to regret and rumination?
No way, Jose.
So here’s how to handle difficult people without driving yourself crazy:
1. State your Intentions Up-front
Manage expectations upfront.
Tell them how bringing this topic up makes you uncomfortable.
And tell them that it’s important to discuss this anyway.
When you set expectations in this way, the conversations go much more smoothly.
Manage expectations upfront.
Tell them how bringing this topic up makes you uncomfortable.
And tell them that it’s important to discuss this anyway.
When you set expectations in this way, the conversations go much more smoothly.
2. Use Inclusive Language
When you lead with accusations like "You always" and "You never"
the walls go up.
To stop this, start your statements with “I” and “We”.
“I felt hurt”.
“I felt misunderstood”.
It stops the situation from escalating and allows communication.
When you lead with accusations like "You always" and "You never"
the walls go up.
To stop this, start your statements with “I” and “We”.
“I felt hurt”.
“I felt misunderstood”.
It stops the situation from escalating and allows communication.
3. Steer Clear of Absolutes
Words like “always” and “never” are trigger words.
It blows the conversation out of proportion.
And it leads to the other person finding an exception and more of defensiveness.
Best to stay away from them.
Words like “always” and “never” are trigger words.
It blows the conversation out of proportion.
And it leads to the other person finding an exception and more of defensiveness.
Best to stay away from them.
4. Stick to the Facts
Be very specific about what upset you.
Talk about the precise chain of events that led to it.
Do not generalize.
And do not interpret their intentions.
When you do that, it leads to defensiveness.
Be very specific about what upset you.
Talk about the precise chain of events that led to it.
Do not generalize.
And do not interpret their intentions.
When you do that, it leads to defensiveness.
5. Ask Questions
Ask open-ended questions.
Open up the floor for them.
Ask them if anything you said or did trigger them.
It keeps the conversation moving.
It also gives them a chance to explain what prompted them to their strong response.
Ask open-ended questions.
Open up the floor for them.
Ask them if anything you said or did trigger them.
It keeps the conversation moving.
It also gives them a chance to explain what prompted them to their strong response.
6. Stay Aware of Emotions
Keep a steady finger on your emotional pulse.
When dealing with difficult people, your buttons will get pushed.
So if you’re not aware of your emotional state, you will be prone to fly off the handle.
Keep a steady finger on your emotional pulse.
When dealing with difficult people, your buttons will get pushed.
So if you’re not aware of your emotional state, you will be prone to fly off the handle.
7. Do not Mirror Anger
When tempers flare up, it’s easy to get carried away with anger.
But recognize and stop when you are mirroring the other person’s anger.
Even if you feel attacked, stay calm.
Giving in to anger only snowballs the situation and leads to regret.
When tempers flare up, it’s easy to get carried away with anger.
But recognize and stop when you are mirroring the other person’s anger.
Even if you feel attacked, stay calm.
Giving in to anger only snowballs the situation and leads to regret.
8. Don’t let them get Under your Skin
During difficult interactions, it's natural that tempers will flare.
And accusations will get thrown at you.
But never let them get under your skin.
You are the only person who gets to decide your truth.
During difficult interactions, it's natural that tempers will flare.
And accusations will get thrown at you.
But never let them get under your skin.
You are the only person who gets to decide your truth.
9. Set Limits
Decide what kind of behavior you would tolerate from the other person.
If things are getting out of hand, raise your hand up towards the other person with an open palm.
Signal them to stop.
Decide what kind of behavior you would tolerate from the other person.
If things are getting out of hand, raise your hand up towards the other person with an open palm.
Signal them to stop.
If you feel it necessary, use definitive statements with the gesture.
“Please don’t use that tone with me,” or “Please don’t talk to me this way.”
This gesture creates separation.
And it creates a message that cannot be fought with words.
“Please don’t use that tone with me,” or “Please don’t talk to me this way.”
This gesture creates separation.
And it creates a message that cannot be fought with words.
10. Take a Break
If things are getting too heated, take a 20-minute break.
Remove yourself from the room.
Tell them “Why don't we take a breather to clear out heads and then come back?”
This kind of inclusive language always helps.
If things are getting too heated, take a 20-minute break.
Remove yourself from the room.
Tell them “Why don't we take a breather to clear out heads and then come back?”
This kind of inclusive language always helps.
11. Reward and Recognise good Behavior
When working with somebody difficult it’s very hard to think about rewarding them.
But try to do that anyway.
Just because you don't agree with one behavior,
it shouldn’t stop you from recognizing other good behaviors.
When working with somebody difficult it’s very hard to think about rewarding them.
But try to do that anyway.
Just because you don't agree with one behavior,
it shouldn’t stop you from recognizing other good behaviors.
12. Separate the Person from the Behavior
It’s easy to label a person as difficult or toxic.
But if you look closely, it's not about the person, but the behavior.
When you separate the person from the behavior,
it helps you figure out better approaches to deal with them.
It’s easy to label a person as difficult or toxic.
But if you look closely, it's not about the person, but the behavior.
When you separate the person from the behavior,
it helps you figure out better approaches to deal with them.
13. Recognize And Ignore Insults
Toxic people love to insult others in a subtle way.
They will attempt to disguise insults with compliments.
It puts seeds of doubts in your mind.
Learn to hear the truths behind those veiled statements.
And then learn to ignore them.
Toxic people love to insult others in a subtle way.
They will attempt to disguise insults with compliments.
It puts seeds of doubts in your mind.
Learn to hear the truths behind those veiled statements.
And then learn to ignore them.
14. Focus On Solutions, Not Problems
Toxic people are the first to place blame.
It’s easy to do so.
What’s difficult is to put in the effort to make changes.
Be that person who brings the change, even if you’re not responsible.
Toxic people are the first to place blame.
It’s easy to do so.
What’s difficult is to put in the effort to make changes.
Be that person who brings the change, even if you’re not responsible.
Not every interaction in your life is going to be a walk in the park.
Some people will always manage to get on your nerves.
You will dread having to deal with them.
Some people will always manage to get on your nerves.
You will dread having to deal with them.
But with the above strategies, you will no longer feel helpless.
You will be able to keep a firm grip on the conversation,
without allowing it to devolve into a full-blown argument.
You will rise above petty insults and you will be able to find win-win solutions.
You will be able to keep a firm grip on the conversation,
without allowing it to devolve into a full-blown argument.
You will rise above petty insults and you will be able to find win-win solutions.
And what happens when you do that?
Handling difficult people will no longer feel difficult.
Handling difficult people will no longer feel difficult.
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Without spending time and energy on trial and error.
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Without spending time and energy on trial and error.
Secure your spot here 👇
resilienthuman.me
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1. Follow me for more @resilientthuman
2. Retweet the top Tweet
I will not rest until everyone learns to ask what they deserve without guilt and shame.
Join me.
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