Why You Keep Self Sabotaging Yourself [THREAD]
I have this one friend who is very comical.
Not on purpose, but by accident.
For the past 5 years, he has been dieting & hoping to reach a certain weight goal.
Recently, I asked him if he was down to go to Red Lobster.
Not on purpose, but by accident.
For the past 5 years, he has been dieting & hoping to reach a certain weight goal.
Recently, I asked him if he was down to go to Red Lobster.
And in a condescending voice he says:
'No Armani, Iβm on a diet.'
'No Armani, Iβm on a diet.'
What's funny is that I already know whatβs going to happen.
'And what is that?'
He is going to quit.
'Why do you say that??'
Because I've seen this same story play out too many times before.
'And what is that?'
He is going to quit.
'Why do you say that??'
Because I've seen this same story play out too many times before.
For the past 5 years, his goal was to get down to 165 lbs.
He currently weights 215 lbs.
And want to know something?
'Yea, sure.'
He has made significant progress MANY times.
He currently weights 215 lbs.
And want to know something?
'Yea, sure.'
He has made significant progress MANY times.
I've seen him get down to 170 lbs at least 3 times.
Only 5 lbs away. So close!!
But as he is edging closer to that mythical 165 number, something happens.
'What?'
Self-sabotage.
Only 5 lbs away. So close!!
But as he is edging closer to that mythical 165 number, something happens.
'What?'
Self-sabotage.
Each time he is getting closer to his goal, he ends up malfunctioning.
He completely falls off track, goes on a brownie binge session for 3 weeks & gains all the weight back.
In many cases, he ends the journey fatter than he began.
He completely falls off track, goes on a brownie binge session for 3 weeks & gains all the weight back.
In many cases, he ends the journey fatter than he began.
The same thing has played out for the past 5 years.
One of the most peculiar things I have ever seen.
One of the most peculiar things I have ever seen.
But to make matters worseβ¦
After each time he fails, he makes this fancy excuse as to why it didn't work out.
After each time he fails, he makes this fancy excuse as to why it didn't work out.
He says the diet was the problem.
Sometimes, he blames his metabolism.
And other times, he blames his parents for not being ripped themselves.
Sometimes, he blames his metabolism.
And other times, he blames his parents for not being ripped themselves.
'Any idea why this self-sabotage keeps happening?'
Yes.
It's due to the 2 sides of a human:
Glory & Paradigm.
Yes.
It's due to the 2 sides of a human:
Glory & Paradigm.
I don't know you.
But I know how you think.
But I know how you think.
When you are daydreaming, you are often envisioning yourself being the celebrity of your world.
You are envisioning yourself doing something very well, with a lot of close peers watching in awe, a lot of people who doubted you looking jealous & you being the center of attention.
Thatβs your glory side.
Thatβs your glory side.
Every human wants happiness.
It's a core desire.
And this side of the human wants to grow.
It's a core desire.
And this side of the human wants to grow.
My friend truly wants to get to 165 lbs so he can improve his self-image.
His glory side wants to know that he had what it took to get the job done.
His glory side wants to know that he had what it took to get the job done.
But on the flip side, there is the paradigm.
A paradigm is a set of conditioned beliefs in your subconscious mind.
A paradigm is a set of conditioned beliefs in your subconscious mind.
The paradigm does not give 2 shits about growth.
Heck, it hates it! It likes for things to remain the exact same.
Heck, it hates it! It likes for things to remain the exact same.
2 sides fighting within us.
The side that wants to expand & the side that wants to fall back.
The side that wants to expand & the side that wants to fall back.
'So how do I fix this?'
Simple.
Your desire for glory needs to be so strong that it stretches past the preexisting paradigm & creates a new set of beliefs.
Simple.
Your desire for glory needs to be so strong that it stretches past the preexisting paradigm & creates a new set of beliefs.
Picture a see saw.
Glory is on one side.
Paradigm is on the other.
Glory is on one side.
Paradigm is on the other.
Which side is heavier?
That side wins.
For the past 5 years, my friend has had the paradigm side being heavier.
That side wins.
For the past 5 years, my friend has had the paradigm side being heavier.
And the worst thing you can do is make excuses for yourself after you failed to reach the goal.
The reason I know my friend isn't changing this time around is because he hasn't admitted defeat the past 12 times.
The reason I know my friend isn't changing this time around is because he hasn't admitted defeat the past 12 times.
He hasn't said, 'Listen, I fucked up. I'll be better.'
That alone would awaken the Glory side & make it work 10x harder for the next time.
But when he creates an excuse, it just makes the limited paradigm strengthen its hold over him.
That alone would awaken the Glory side & make it work 10x harder for the next time.
But when he creates an excuse, it just makes the limited paradigm strengthen its hold over him.
I used to have the same limiting beliefs about social skills.
Didn't think it was possible to figure it out.
But I took it 1 step at a time.
Didn't think it was possible to figure it out.
But I took it 1 step at a time.
I failed interaction after interaction. I quit many times & created an excuse as to why it wasn't for me.
But then I went back out there & failed some more.
This allowed me to learn what not to do.
And when you find out what not to do, what TO DO shines like fire.
But then I went back out there & failed some more.
This allowed me to learn what not to do.
And when you find out what not to do, what TO DO shines like fire.
The 3 step process to stop self-sabotage is:
1. Admit when you fucked up.
2. Try again.
3. Keep going thru 1-2 until Glory wins.
1. Admit when you fucked up.
2. Try again.
3. Keep going thru 1-2 until Glory wins.
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