How to Make New Friends If You’re Alone.
- A Thread:
- A Thread:
Maybe it’s the first day of work or you’re at a party full of strangers.
You’re the only person there with no one to cling to.
We’ve all been there.
Here are 6 things you could do to change this:
You’re the only person there with no one to cling to.
We’ve all been there.
Here are 6 things you could do to change this:
1. People Want to Be Approached
It’s important to understand that you’re rarely the only loner there. If you want to start getting into a social flow, start approaching the other loners.
No one likes to stand in the corner alone and scroll on their phone for hours.
It’s important to understand that you’re rarely the only loner there. If you want to start getting into a social flow, start approaching the other loners.
No one likes to stand in the corner alone and scroll on their phone for hours.
People want to be approached.
They want someone to go up and talk to them. If they didn’t, why would they be at the party/ event in the first place?
If they had a legitimate reason why they didn’t want to be there, you could turn that into a conversation.
They want someone to go up and talk to them. If they didn’t, why would they be at the party/ event in the first place?
If they had a legitimate reason why they didn’t want to be there, you could turn that into a conversation.
This is a very important mindset shift I had. It is not just you who’s feeling left out/ alienated. It is extremely common in these social situations.
Don’t be afraid to approach groups. People tend to be more good-humored as there are other people around.
Don’t be afraid to approach groups. People tend to be more good-humored as there are other people around.
Especially if you know that the majority of people are unfamiliar with each other or are purely acquaintances (e.g. workplace or uni event).
Introduce yourself and they’ll treat you well.
Unless you make yourself known, you're invisible to others.
Introduce yourself and they’ll treat you well.
Unless you make yourself known, you're invisible to others.
2. Do Not Hesitate
Just take a deep breath in and go, even if it’s the third or fourth time you are at the same venue as your target (they never noticed because they don’t know you).
Don't stand in the periphery of the person for more than 5 seconds.
Just take a deep breath in and go, even if it’s the third or fourth time you are at the same venue as your target (they never noticed because they don’t know you).
Don't stand in the periphery of the person for more than 5 seconds.
You end up convincing yourself out of it, and in many cases, he/she is likely aware of it as well.
If you’re in luck, your target might initiate the conversation and you’re good to go.
But don't wait for luck. Create it yourself.
If you’re in luck, your target might initiate the conversation and you’re good to go.
But don't wait for luck. Create it yourself.
This has been said many times before, and it should be intuitive, but people still make the mistake of approaching from the back somehow.
Just don't do it.
Approach the person with a smile and open body language and they’ll talk to you.
Just don't do it.
Approach the person with a smile and open body language and they’ll talk to you.
I often begin with a quick question about the event/ time of year or a potential similarity between the both of us.
For example, at uni, I approached a group of people and asked if they were studying for the same degree as me.
For example, at uni, I approached a group of people and asked if they were studying for the same degree as me.
Or if it's the holidays, you could ask if they're going on vacation. That could lead to a lot of talking.
Their answer doesn’t matter. As long as they respond, it's good.
The conversation has started and they will try to keep it going as well (most people hate silences).
Their answer doesn’t matter. As long as they respond, it's good.
The conversation has started and they will try to keep it going as well (most people hate silences).
3. Physical Contact
You could do a fist bump or handshake to initiate some physical contact.
It's pretty big in breaking down their fences and also assumes familiarity.
Try to do it as early as possible so that it'd be less awkward to do so later down the line.
You could do a fist bump or handshake to initiate some physical contact.
It's pretty big in breaking down their fences and also assumes familiarity.
Try to do it as early as possible so that it'd be less awkward to do so later down the line.
4. Get Them To Tell A Story
This is equivalent to “open-ended questions” but most people don’t know what it means (exactly).
In short: it is to ask a question that inspires them go on a short anecdote, story, or tangent.
"why" "what led to" "how did you" "tell me about", etc.
This is equivalent to “open-ended questions” but most people don’t know what it means (exactly).
In short: it is to ask a question that inspires them go on a short anecdote, story, or tangent.
"why" "what led to" "how did you" "tell me about", etc.
5. Active Listening
The most important thing now that you’ve got them talking is to actively listen.
Won’t go much into this as there’s a video in SSU about this skill but I'm going to give you two things you could do:
The most important thing now that you’ve got them talking is to actively listen.
Won’t go much into this as there’s a video in SSU about this skill but I'm going to give you two things you could do:
1. Actively clarify what they’re saying and dig deeper.
If you stumble upon something that you don’t fully understand, ask. They'd be more than happy to talk about it.
2. Add to what they said with your personal experience or opinion.
If you stumble upon something that you don’t fully understand, ask. They'd be more than happy to talk about it.
2. Add to what they said with your personal experience or opinion.
Most important thing is to be interested in your interlocutor. Find out what their passion/ hobby is and get to know more about the topic.
It will make them happy to know that there’s someone in the world who’d want to learn more about their passion.
It will make them happy to know that there’s someone in the world who’d want to learn more about their passion.
6. Keep it short
It’s best to end the conversation before both of you have nothing to say.
Keep it short (around 5-15 minutes). Get their contact if you'd like to meet them again, and find an excuse to leave.
This is the best way to make people want to talk to you again.
It’s best to end the conversation before both of you have nothing to say.
Keep it short (around 5-15 minutes). Get their contact if you'd like to meet them again, and find an excuse to leave.
This is the best way to make people want to talk to you again.
A note before I end this:
You'll meet people who don't vibe with you well or are just pure dorks.
If you don't like them or you sense that they welcome you, find an excuse to leave and talk to someone else.
Don't force it.
You'll meet people who don't vibe with you well or are just pure dorks.
If you don't like them or you sense that they welcome you, find an excuse to leave and talk to someone else.
Don't force it.
If you want to learn more about this and improve your social intelligence (esp if you're introverted or shy), go to SSU.
Recommend you watch the Listening video there first (under Essentials) before scouring through the other lessons.
Join 300+ members: gumroad.com
Recommend you watch the Listening video there first (under Essentials) before scouring through the other lessons.
Join 300+ members: gumroad.com
That's it for me.
If you enjoyed it:
1. Comment any questions you have about persuasion, manipulation or social skills
2. Follow me @soullesshank for threads at least every other day.
3. A RT is also much appreciated
If you enjoyed it:
1. Comment any questions you have about persuasion, manipulation or social skills
2. Follow me @soullesshank for threads at least every other day.
3. A RT is also much appreciated
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