The 4 limiting beliefs I had to break to overcome social fear:
I'd always seen myself as shy. I often felt like an outsider.
I didn't speak up in class.
I was criticised for this by others, but most of all, I chastised myself.
Hard.
Beating myself up about being 'weird' and 'shy' and 'too quiet' took its toll on my mental wellbeing.
I didn't speak up in class.
I was criticised for this by others, but most of all, I chastised myself.
Hard.
Beating myself up about being 'weird' and 'shy' and 'too quiet' took its toll on my mental wellbeing.
It wasn't until later in high school that I developed what could be described as 'social anxiety.'
It was a catch-22.
My nervousness to speak up made me more anxious, and it became a cycle of self-consciousness.
This continued into my twenties.
It was a catch-22.
My nervousness to speak up made me more anxious, and it became a cycle of self-consciousness.
This continued into my twenties.
It wasn't until I started taking a more analytical look at some of my stories about who I was that things began to shift.
I have since given workshops and spoken worldwide.
I also run a coaching practice speaking to international clients, helping many with their anxiety.
I have since given workshops and spoken worldwide.
I also run a coaching practice speaking to international clients, helping many with their anxiety.
Seeing that my suffering was caused - not by other people and circumstances - but rather my own mind, was life-changing.
By challenging my own thinking through questioning its legitimacy, I was able to see myself for who I really was.
By challenging my own thinking through questioning its legitimacy, I was able to see myself for who I really was.
I really was making everything up.
The more I questioned these beliefs, the more my true confidence came through.
The more I questioned these beliefs, the more my true confidence came through.
Here are some of those beliefs that kept me trapped in social anxiety, and brought me so much relief when I simply learned to let go:
1. 'I am not like other people.'
1. 'I am not like other people.'
We're all obviously different, but it wasn't until I saw how similar I was to other people that I began to feel more connected.
Our sense of disconnectedness is a significant source of unnecessary social anxiety.
Ultimately, I saw this as merely an idea.
Our sense of disconnectedness is a significant source of unnecessary social anxiety.
Ultimately, I saw this as merely an idea.
2. 'I am a shy and anxious person.'
Questioning this belief made me see how unhelpful it was to tie my emotional experiences to my identity.
The two are separate.
Questioning this belief made me see how unhelpful it was to tie my emotional experiences to my identity.
The two are separate.
If I was once nervous, it didn't make me a 'nervous person' - just a person who felt nervous at some point.
Being rational about how I was making up an illusion about my identity helped a lot.
Being rational about how I was making up an illusion about my identity helped a lot.
3. 'Other people can decrease my self-esteem.'
Thinking this was true meant that I'd avoid rejection as much as I could.
If I believed rejection could lower my self-esteem or worth, why would I expose myself to that?
Thinking this was true meant that I'd avoid rejection as much as I could.
If I believed rejection could lower my self-esteem or worth, why would I expose myself to that?
When I saw that 'self-esteem' was simply an idea in my head - not a real thing - I saw no one had the power to reduce it.
You can't reduce what isn't there.
This was immensely liberating.
You can't reduce what isn't there.
This was immensely liberating.
4. 'There is something wrong with me (and I need to hide it).'
Many people get very anxious out of a sense of inadequacy in themselves that they need to hide.
They have shame about some personal judgement.
Many people get very anxious out of a sense of inadequacy in themselves that they need to hide.
They have shame about some personal judgement.
The source of this criticism could be anything.
Seeing through these harsh judgements helped me find a natural compassion for who I was.
I saw how judging myself created my suffering.
Simple as that.
Seeing through these harsh judgements helped me find a natural compassion for who I was.
I saw how judging myself created my suffering.
Simple as that.
If I let go of my judgement - whatever that judgement looked like - my true sense of worth and peace was left.
Key takeaway - the biggest thing I did to reduce my anxiety around people was to drop the negative beliefs and stories I was telling about myself to myself - all of which simply werenβt true.
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RECAP
The 4 limiting beliefs I had to break to overcome social fear:
1. 'I am not like other people'
2. 'I am a shy and anxious person'
3. 'Other people can decrease my self-esteem'
4. 'There is something wrong with me (and I need to hide it).'
The 4 limiting beliefs I had to break to overcome social fear:
1. 'I am not like other people'
2. 'I am a shy and anxious person'
3. 'Other people can decrease my self-esteem'
4. 'There is something wrong with me (and I need to hide it).'
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