Relationships
Psychology
Communication
Emotional Intelligence
Manipulation
Interpersonal relationships
when someone has expressed you have hurt them, ‘sorry if I hurt or upset you, but-’ is not sincere. it’s a manipulative tactic used to deflect blame. sincere apologies don’t include if’s or but’s, they include taking accountability and understanding the impact of one’s actions.
people who get defensive like this often do anything to avoid addressing the hurt their actions caused. blame-shifting like this includes attempting to minimise the other person’s emotions, criticising them for bringing up their feelings of hurt in the first place, etc
because of all the deflection and criticism thrown their way, the person expressing their hurt might then start to wonder if they are overreacting, and begin to apologise for speaking up about their emotions. a classic and valid example of the word we see everywhere - gaslighting
if someone resorts to shaming and blaming you for expressing hurt instead of attempting to understand you, they are too emotionally immature to understand how to effectively communicate and repair. never let someone make you feel like you need to apologise for expressing emotions
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