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weird medieval guys BOOK OUT NOW !!
weird medieval guys BOOK OUT NOW !!

@WeirdMedieval

10 Tweets 25 reads Dec 07, 2022
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thread of medieval jokes that still kinda go hard:
image text: A Florentine had in his home a young man who instructed his children in the elements of knowledge. After a long stay, the young tutor felt himself so much at home that he had in turn the housemaid, the nurse, and finally the mistress herself. When the master of the house, who was a jovial fellow discovered this, he summoned the young man to his private chamber and said: “I find it unmannerly of you, sir, that in taking your pleasure of my entire household you have made an exception of me.”
image text: A widow once said to a neighbor that, though she cared little for the things of the world, she still would like to find a peaceful man of advanced years, more for the sake of company and the mutual comforts of their daily lives than for the joys of the flesh. The neighbor promised to search for such a man as she described; and in fact of the very next day returned to the widow and announced that she had found a man who possessed all the virtues that she sought, and who above all should meet with her approval, in that he was a eunuch. Upon which the widow cried: “Such a man I would not take under any conditions. For if we should quarrel, as happens between man and wife, there would be no way to make peace again!”
image text: A young Florentine was going down to River Arno with one of those nets in which they wash wool, and met a frolicsome boy, who, out of fun, asked him what birds he was going to catch with that net of his? “I am going to the Brothel’s outlet,” replied the youth, “to spread my net there, and catch your mother.” “Mind you search the place carefully,” retorted the boy, “for you will be sure to find yours there also.”
image text: In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of delivering a baby. She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her secret area, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. “Look also on the other side,” said the poor creature, “my husband has sometimes taken that road.”
image text: The good people of Tivoli were once harangued by an imprudent monk, who thundered in a long, furious speech against the sin of adultery. Among other things, he declared that violation of the sanctity of wedlock was a crime of such grave character, that he would rather lie with ten virgins than with one married woman.
image text: A friar once heard the confession of a charming widow from Florence. During the hearing, in order to whisper softly, she pressed closer and closer to him, until the sweet odor of her young body overcame him; and that which till now he had kept peacefully concealed soon raised its head and pained him mightily. The friar turned away from the window, tortured by the desires of his flesh, and gave her to understand that she should go. But the woman insisted that he sentence her to some form of penance. To which the monk replied heatedly: “It is I, madam, who will have to do penance.”
image text: Outside the gates of Perugia there stood the church of St. Mark, and here on a holy day Cicero, the parish priest, delivered the customary sermon to the assembled people of the town, and in conclusion said: “Dear brethren, I should like you to relieve me of a grave doubt. When, during the lenten days, I heard the confessions of your wives, I did not find one who did not maintain that she had zealously preserved her fidelity to her husband. You men, on the other hand, almost without exception confessed that you had sinned with the wives of your neighbors. Therefore, in order to clear away this confusion in my mind, I pray you tell me who are these women and where do they come from?”
image text: I knew an old Bishop who had lost some of his teeth, and complained of others being so loose that he was afraid they would soon fall out. “Never fear,” said one of his friends, “they won’t fall.” “And why not?” enquired the Bishop. His friend replied, “Because my testicles have been hanging loose for the last forty years, as if they were going to fall off, and yet, there they are still.”
these are all from the facetiae, an italian joke anthology from the late 1400s! you can find the full text online here if you care to browse through the rest:
archive.org
archive.org/details/faceti…

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