I do think men, especially married men with settled careers, are blind to the effect of social media on adult women in their 30s and even 40s.
Petty suburban social status competitions in suburbia can be hellish for this demographic even without social media.
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Petty suburban social status competitions in suburbia can be hellish for this demographic even without social media.
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In suburbia, consumption, affluence, the accomplishments of you, your spouse, your children are easily compared not among an in-group or an extended family, but within some sort of status ordering.
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In suburbia, consumption, affluence, the accomplishments of you, your spouse, your children are easily compared not among an in-group or an extended family, but within some sort of status ordering.
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As a man in your 40s you’re mostly immune to it: if the kids seem happy, your wife is aging gracefully, your career is interesting and moving along, and you’re ok financially, you’re probably unlikely to be distracted by extraneous social competition.
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As a man in your 40s you’re mostly immune to it: if the kids seem happy, your wife is aging gracefully, your career is interesting and moving along, and you’re ok financially, you’re probably unlikely to be distracted by extraneous social competition.
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On rare occasions that I feel a pang of dissatisfaction usually finding a couple good books to read or drinking a bottle of wine or going for 6 or 8 mile run will fix it.
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On rare occasions that I feel a pang of dissatisfaction usually finding a couple good books to read or drinking a bottle of wine or going for 6 or 8 mile run will fix it.
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But for many women I think it is different.
Social media offers up constant prompts that approximate social competition: affluence and surgeried/ filtered aesthetics on Instagram, that if possible IRL are a full time job.
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But for many women I think it is different.
Social media offers up constant prompts that approximate social competition: affluence and surgeried/ filtered aesthetics on Instagram, that if possible IRL are a full time job.
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In many corners of Twitter it’s a nonstop status competition.
Who is the most virtuous?
Who is the knowledgeable *expert*?
Who is the most caring and emotive about the problems of the world?
Who is in the in group?
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In many corners of Twitter it’s a nonstop status competition.
Who is the most virtuous?
Who is the knowledgeable *expert*?
Who is the most caring and emotive about the problems of the world?
Who is in the in group?
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Algorithmically, if you have a specific susceptibility to imagined social competition, the tech really should be able to get you.
I have a male friend who knows that Instagram likes to show him women with a specific athletic physique in a specific age range with…
Algorithmically, if you have a specific susceptibility to imagined social competition, the tech really should be able to get you.
I have a male friend who knows that Instagram likes to show him women with a specific athletic physique in a specific age range with…
…a specific and characteristic appearance. He finds it embarrassing that the app knows him and can get him to waste time.
But I don’t think, on the whole, women have a similar level of self-awareness when it comes to being pulled in by social competition.
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But I don’t think, on the whole, women have a similar level of self-awareness when it comes to being pulled in by social competition.
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A lot of the emotions and instincts being leveraged are virtuous and/or important in family and social life.
And some degree of competition may be healthy for many people.
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A lot of the emotions and instincts being leveraged are virtuous and/or important in family and social life.
And some degree of competition may be healthy for many people.
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The end effect is that emotions and attention are pulled into very strange places. Time and energy are poorly invested, and then doubled down on because of the sunk costs.
There’s been a lot of focus on the purposeless and inertia of men, but the…
The end effect is that emotions and attention are pulled into very strange places. Time and energy are poorly invested, and then doubled down on because of the sunk costs.
There’s been a lot of focus on the purposeless and inertia of men, but the…
…frenzied and relentless political pseudo-activism and para-social competition doesn’t seem any less unpleasant.
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