1/ Listening non-judgmentally is not something therapists learn from a book or class. It takes years of work. We can listen without judging because we have examined the dark corners of our own souls in personal psychotherapy. What you think shocking, we know to be simply human.

2/ Therapists who have not done the hard work of in-depth personal treatment over an extended time do not & cannot listen non-judgmentally. They can tell themselves they do, they can perform the role of what they think it is—but it is only performative, and patients can feel it.

3/ Without realizing it, they subtly recoil from certain areas of the patient's inner life, subtly signal approval & disapproval, & so close off entire territories to exploration. We simply cannot face another's demons with equanimity, curiosity & acceptance until we have learned

4/ to face out own demons with clear, open eyes. We cannot accompany our patient's places we ourselves have not traveled.
This is why in-depth personal psychotherapy for the therapist is non-negotiable, if we intend to offer in-depth therapy to our patients. There is no bypass.