How to Be Assertive Without Sounding Needy.
Or: how to nag while keeping your dignity intact.
- A Persuasion/ Manipulation Thread:
Or: how to nag while keeping your dignity intact.
- A Persuasion/ Manipulation Thread:
Nagging is negative reinforcement.
This means that there are only two choices your interlocutor could make when you nag:
1. They do what you want
2. They put their relationship with you at risk/ violate social conventions
This means that there are only two choices your interlocutor could make when you nag:
1. They do what you want
2. They put their relationship with you at risk/ violate social conventions
The easiest way for your interlocutor to stop the discomfort they’re experiencing from your nagging is to do exactly what you want.
Why is that the path of least resistance?
Why is that the path of least resistance?
The second option, which is a flat-out rejection on the part of your interlocutor, might seem rude and even make you look like you’re a bad person.
Imagine a friend nagging you to loan them $5k from an emergency.
Imagine a friend nagging you to loan them $5k from an emergency.
You know very well that he’s done that to a few of your other friends, and that it’s unlikely he would give you your money back.
But still, “he’s your friend, and friends have each other’s backs,” you tell yourself.
But still, “he’s your friend, and friends have each other’s backs,” you tell yourself.
On top of that, the simple act of rejection is quite a hard thing to do for a lot of people.
No one likes to disappoint. If that wasn’t the case, women would probably have a much easier time dealing with their pursuers and men would save a bunch of time.
No one likes to disappoint. If that wasn’t the case, women would probably have a much easier time dealing with their pursuers and men would save a bunch of time.
Instead, due to societal pressures and conventions, a lot of (at least good-natured/ well-mannered) women are extremely afraid of rejecting people.
This makes them drag men along even when she might not want to.
This makes them drag men along even when she might not want to.
Anyways, these two things are essentially what you’re exploiting with nagging: a person’s moral conscience and social conventions/ manners.
This is why the line between manipulative and persuasive nagging is very thin.
This is why the line between manipulative and persuasive nagging is very thin.
You could nag your overweight brother into going to the gym and make them take care of his health.
Or you could nag a vulnerable individual with low self-esteem into doing fucked up shit in the name of “fun”.
Or you could nag a vulnerable individual with low self-esteem into doing fucked up shit in the name of “fun”.
Nagging is often something done unconsciously (though it could very well be deliberate) and could be done in a few different ways.
1. Good humor
2. Authoritative
3. Manipulative
1. Good humor
2. Authoritative
3. Manipulative
1. Good Humour
If you were to nag deliberately, this is probably the best way to do it without getting as much resentment as the other two ways of doing it.
The first thing is that you should only nag when it's really the last resort. Nagging too often is annoying and needy.
If you were to nag deliberately, this is probably the best way to do it without getting as much resentment as the other two ways of doing it.
The first thing is that you should only nag when it's really the last resort. Nagging too often is annoying and needy.
The second thing is that you should not be forceful when you do it.
I was ordering lunch once, and the cashier asked if I wanted to pay extra for soup and I said no.
The cashier asked again, almost like she didn’t hear my answer, and I said no again.
I was ordering lunch once, and the cashier asked if I wanted to pay extra for soup and I said no.
The cashier asked again, almost like she didn’t hear my answer, and I said no again.
Then she asked for the third time, saying that the offer is very limited and that today was the last day I could get it.
I succumbed to the nagging and said yes, but I didn’t walk away with resentment. I walked away thinking, “fuck, man, old women are so good at sales.”
I succumbed to the nagging and said yes, but I didn’t walk away with resentment. I walked away thinking, “fuck, man, old women are so good at sales.”
This brings me to a critical point to make this work: you have to say it in full confidence and almost matter-of-factly.
Your demeanor should tell your interlocutor that it’s their choice and it doesn’t really matter if they make it or not (because you still get paid).
Your demeanor should tell your interlocutor that it’s their choice and it doesn’t really matter if they make it or not (because you still get paid).
Something that is essential to nagging is shamelessness. It’s the idea that you should not be ashamed of wanting the thing you’re asking for, and should not be afraid to ask for it.
This is a very advantageous trait to have in competitive environments (e.g. business).
This is a very advantageous trait to have in competitive environments (e.g. business).
If your interlocutor said no the third time, a good way to end this is by acknowledging that it’s getting ridiculous and saying “No? Really?” in a half-ironic tone and a smile.
You could also add in a joke to further alleviate all the built-up tension and assure to your interlocutor that it’s fine and all is well.
The joke could be something absurd or just taking the original ask to its extreme.
E.g.
The joke could be something absurd or just taking the original ask to its extreme.
E.g.
You’re trying to get your friend to taste a poorly baked muffin. Then: “No? Really? How about 12 of them? Would that be a yes?”
And obviously, assure them afterwards with a “Ok. That’s fine.” and move on (actually).
I’ll cover the others on Thursday. Stay Tuned.
And obviously, assure them afterwards with a “Ok. That’s fine.” and move on (actually).
I’ll cover the others on Thursday. Stay Tuned.
If you’re interested in getting some of the best knowledge you can get on manipulation, persuasion, social skills, leadership, life...
SSU has everything you need.
Join 450+ members here dirt cheap: gumroad.com
SSU has everything you need.
Join 450+ members here dirt cheap: gumroad.com
That's it for me.
If you enjoyed it:
1. Comment any questions you have about persuasion, manipulation or social skills
2. Follow me @soullesshank for threads at least every other day.
3. A RT is also much appreciate
If you enjoyed it:
1. Comment any questions you have about persuasion, manipulation or social skills
2. Follow me @soullesshank for threads at least every other day.
3. A RT is also much appreciate
Loading suggestions...