A Guaranteed Method To Subtly Force People To Help You.
Politicians' secret to getting people to like them and setting up an exchange dynamic that creates obligation.
Steal this framework.
Politicians' secret to getting people to like them and setting up an exchange dynamic that creates obligation.
Steal this framework.
The method I will show you today is called the Ingratiation System.
The word 'ingratiation' means to make someone grateful, and perfectly describes the action.
The word 'ingratiation' means to make someone grateful, and perfectly describes the action.
Ingratiation is a valuable and important way of getting closer to another person, getting them to bond with you and setting up an exchange dynamic that creates obligation.
Let's dive in.
Let's dive in.
Here are '3 Fs' of ingratiation, which offer various ways to ingratiate yourself with others and gain their liking and help:
1- Flattery:
Flattery builds the other person's sense of identity by complimenting them.
Compliments can be about:
•How they appear: 'You're looking slim and fit.'
•What they say: 'What a great idea.'
•What they do: 'Did you make this? It's amazing!
Flattery builds the other person's sense of identity by complimenting them.
Compliments can be about:
•How they appear: 'You're looking slim and fit.'
•What they say: 'What a great idea.'
•What they do: 'Did you make this? It's amazing!
When you flatter, be genuine.
If you say you are amazed, be amazed and sound like you are amazed.
Do not exaggerate as this looks false.
You can also flatter people indirectly by praising them to other people such as their boss or colleagues.
If you say you are amazed, be amazed and sound like you are amazed.
Do not exaggerate as this looks false.
You can also flatter people indirectly by praising them to other people such as their boss or colleagues.
When you do this, try to ensure they find out about it.
Pay attention to the effects of flattery as it does not work with some people.
Watch for smiles and boosted pride to show that your flattery has worked.
Pay attention to the effects of flattery as it does not work with some people.
Watch for smiles and boosted pride to show that your flattery has worked.
Flattery works because it acts to boost the person's sense of identity, suggesting they feel good about themselves in reflection of the admiration of the flatterer.
Flattery can be honest.
It often, however, is an exaggeration and can be patently untrue.
Flattery can be honest.
It often, however, is an exaggeration and can be patently untrue.
The more obvious lies often work because they make the other person feel good, so they join in the lie rather than challenge it with the unflattering truth.
Indirect flattery can be particularly powerful as praising them to others gains a wider audience of appreciation for them.
It also helps if they have greater respect for those other people.
We like to be liked and especially like to be liked by those we hold in high regard.
It also helps if they have greater respect for those other people.
We like to be liked and especially like to be liked by those we hold in high regard.
Flattery can be longer-term, building up their self-image over time, thereby making your presence desirable and your statements valued.
It can also be short-term, with the persuasion directly linked to the flattery.
It can also be short-term, with the persuasion directly linked to the flattery.
Flattery is also useful for avoiding objections.
If you tell a person they are good at something, then they will likely to adopt this into their sense of identity.
And having done so, will feel unable to refute the subject.
If you tell a person they are good at something, then they will likely to adopt this into their sense of identity.
And having done so, will feel unable to refute the subject.
Flattery does not work on some people because:
•Some are so modest that flattery embarrasses them to the point that they do not enjoy it.
•Some have a low self-image and flattery feels like lies.
•Some are suspicious and flattery is so common they do not believe it.
•Some are so modest that flattery embarrasses them to the point that they do not enjoy it.
•Some have a low self-image and flattery feels like lies.
•Some are suspicious and flattery is so common they do not believe it.
You can overcome suspicion about flattery by being relatively low-key about it, keeping it brief while still showing you are impressed by them.
Let's move on to the next technique.
Let's move on to the next technique.
2- Fawning: Acting as if you are inferior.
Fawning is a way of building the other person's sense of identity by placing yourself in a lower social position.
This helps them to feel superior and unthreatened (and where they may make magnanimous gestures).
Fawning is a way of building the other person's sense of identity by placing yourself in a lower social position.
This helps them to feel superior and unthreatened (and where they may make magnanimous gestures).
To fawn effectively, treat them as if they are better than they are without over-doing it.
It is often best used as a part of a longer-term subtle strategy of making them feel good about themselves, and particularly when you are around.
It is often best used as a part of a longer-term subtle strategy of making them feel good about themselves, and particularly when you are around.
Example:
"Oh you're so wonderful. I just love everything you do.
I know I won one race but I have a long way to go to match your record."
Fawning can seem to be excessive and obsequious, and lowering one's own social position can be undesirable.
"Oh you're so wonderful. I just love everything you do.
I know I won one race but I have a long way to go to match your record."
Fawning can seem to be excessive and obsequious, and lowering one's own social position can be undesirable.
It can also be subtle, for example where you are modest about your achievements, downplaying them in comparison with what the other person has achieved.
The danger in fawning is that the other person sees you as so inferior that you are not worth their attention.
The danger in fawning is that the other person sees you as so inferior that you are not worth their attention.
Fawning gone wrong can be seen by the other person treating you with disrespect and disdain.
To keep fawning successful, first assess the person to determine if they like feeling superior and are likely to play along with the illusion.
To keep fawning successful, first assess the person to determine if they like feeling superior and are likely to play along with the illusion.
Face-saving.
Face-saving involves doing or saying things (or not saying things) in order to avoid them being embarrassed or otherwise losing social status.
Face-saving involves doing or saying things (or not saying things) in order to avoid them being embarrassed or otherwise losing social status.
Ways to save face include:
•Not bringing up their failings with them.
•Making excuses for them that explain their failures or give good reason for seemingly-unreasonable things they have done.
•Not bringing up their failings with them.
•Making excuses for them that explain their failures or give good reason for seemingly-unreasonable things they have done.
•Not revealing to others information you have about the person that would cause other people to think less of them.
•Taking action to correct their failures without revealing to others that you have done this.
•Taking the blame yourself for things they have done wrong.
•Taking action to correct their failures without revealing to others that you have done this.
•Taking the blame yourself for things they have done wrong.
Face-saving can be passive or active.
Passive face-saving has the 'do no harm' philosophy and means that you avoid doing or saying things that would embarrass the other person.
Passive face-saving has the 'do no harm' philosophy and means that you avoid doing or saying things that would embarrass the other person.
Active face saving is where you go out of your way to help and rescue them, for example by taking the blame for things that are not your fault.
Example:
Don't blame John. It was my fault for not giving him the right tools.
That was silly of you.
Don't worry, nobody will know
Example:
Don't blame John. It was my fault for not giving him the right tools.
That was silly of you.
Don't worry, nobody will know
Social status, as indicated by the esteem of others, appears as a deep need in most people and many hence deeply fear 'losing face.'
Helping them sustain this position when they might otherwise be embarrassed shows care that builds both trust and obligation.
Helping them sustain this position when they might otherwise be embarrassed shows care that builds both trust and obligation.
Face-saving is important for many, but is particularly important in cultures where personal status is the primary means of trusting relationships, in contrast to where there is wide social trust and supportive legislation.
In such cultures face-saving is both ritualized and mandatory, as to embarrass another person is to insult them and challenge them to conflict.
When loss of face is important, having somebody else save face, especially if they are harmed or lose face in the process, is to be much appreciated and deserves significant help in return.
Being able to gain people's trust is an essential skill whether you are advancing in your career or in business by building the right relationships with the right people.
Dozens of other hacks and tips to improve your social skills in this guide.
For $0
atlasegodriven.gumroad.com
Dozens of other hacks and tips to improve your social skills in this guide.
For $0
atlasegodriven.gumroad.com
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