12 distorted beliefs that keep you trapped in meaningless relationships
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“6 out of 10 people stay in unfulfilling relationships” - a recent survey has found.
Most people plod along in meaningless relationships.
Even after disrespect, lack of intimacy, and even infidelity.
But why?
Why would anyone even choose to put themselves through that hell?
Most people plod along in meaningless relationships.
Even after disrespect, lack of intimacy, and even infidelity.
But why?
Why would anyone even choose to put themselves through that hell?
Because people are used to compromises.
They are used to living for others’ approval
instead of the richer and more meaningful aspects of a relationship.
They allow others to control their lives.
They never stand up for themselves.
They bottle everything in.
They are used to living for others’ approval
instead of the richer and more meaningful aspects of a relationship.
They allow others to control their lives.
They never stand up for themselves.
They bottle everything in.
Why do they do that?
Well, the first thing is the lack of skills.
They just don’t know how to be assertive.
But there’s a second trickier thing that’s going on...
Well, the first thing is the lack of skills.
They just don’t know how to be assertive.
But there’s a second trickier thing that’s going on...
It’s their faulty beliefs that have grown over time.
These beliefs keep them permanently in a shell.
And it stops them from ever experiencing satisfying relationships.
So here are the 12 distorted beliefs that keep you trapped in meaningless relationships:
These beliefs keep them permanently in a shell.
And it stops them from ever experiencing satisfying relationships.
So here are the 12 distorted beliefs that keep you trapped in meaningless relationships:
1. “I have to always put others down to get my way”
Being assertive doesn’t mean pushing your opinions down others’ throats.
It just puts you on an equal footing with others.
Sometimes things go your way, and sometimes they don't.
But it's you who makes that decision.
Being assertive doesn’t mean pushing your opinions down others’ throats.
It just puts you on an equal footing with others.
Sometimes things go your way, and sometimes they don't.
But it's you who makes that decision.
2. “I don’t want to become selfish”
Stating your wants and needs doesn't make you selfish.
Now you don't have to demand that everyone stops everything and starts pandering to you.
But be willing to put forward your needs, wants, thoughts and preferences, and let them known.
Stating your wants and needs doesn't make you selfish.
Now you don't have to demand that everyone stops everything and starts pandering to you.
But be willing to put forward your needs, wants, thoughts and preferences, and let them known.
3. “It’s not polite to disagree”
Many people think that it’s rude to disagree with others’ opinions.
And it’s downright offensive to offer a different one.
It does no favor to anyone though.
Better to offer honest ideas and opinions without insisting they be imposed.
Many people think that it’s rude to disagree with others’ opinions.
And it’s downright offensive to offer a different one.
It does no favor to anyone though.
Better to offer honest ideas and opinions without insisting they be imposed.
4. “They will like me more if I play along”
Some people believe that the only way to win others’ love and care is to give up on being themselves and play along.
But when you’re an adult, there’s no worse turn-off than interacting with a human Play-Doh figurine.
Some people believe that the only way to win others’ love and care is to give up on being themselves and play along.
But when you’re an adult, there’s no worse turn-off than interacting with a human Play-Doh figurine.
5. “My worth comes from my service”
Some people determine their worth by how much they’re of use to others.
You have to learn to respect and care for yourself as much as you respect and care for other people.
After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Some people determine their worth by how much they’re of use to others.
You have to learn to respect and care for yourself as much as you respect and care for other people.
After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
6. “I can only be appreciated if I keep on giving”
Many people make covert contracts: “If I do this for them, they’ll pay me back.”
The others never know about the strings attached.
So they don't play along.
They just get an icky feeling and pull back.
Many people make covert contracts: “If I do this for them, they’ll pay me back.”
The others never know about the strings attached.
So they don't play along.
They just get an icky feeling and pull back.
7. “I must be wrong, and they must be right”
So many people grow up believing that their own ideas and opinions don’t matter.
Or that those of others are always better.
Then they wonder why they never get the respect they deserve.
So many people grow up believing that their own ideas and opinions don’t matter.
Or that those of others are always better.
Then they wonder why they never get the respect they deserve.
8. “I have to do everything I am asked to do”
Setting boundaries is difficult.
But you have every right to decide for yourself what you will and will not do.
You’re in charge of your own actions.
And you have the right to refuse.
Setting boundaries is difficult.
But you have every right to decide for yourself what you will and will not do.
You’re in charge of your own actions.
And you have the right to refuse.
9. “It’s important to be nice and polite”
Yeah, you’re right.
It’s important to be nice, polite, and courteous.
But find that middle ground where you don’t trample others.
And don’t let others do the same to you.
Yeah, you’re right.
It’s important to be nice, polite, and courteous.
But find that middle ground where you don’t trample others.
And don’t let others do the same to you.
10. “My opinion doesn’t matter”
When it’s about your life, no one knows better than you.
And no one has higher stakes.
So why defer to others in those matters?
Listen to everyone’s opinions. Evaluate them.
But give the same value to your own views as well.
When it’s about your life, no one knows better than you.
And no one has higher stakes.
So why defer to others in those matters?
Listen to everyone’s opinions. Evaluate them.
But give the same value to your own views as well.
11. “It’s my burden because I’m the strong one in the family”
No one is that strong that they can keep denying and suppressing their needs forever.
And others are not made of porcelain. They have the same source of strength to draw upon.
No one is that strong that they can keep denying and suppressing their needs forever.
And others are not made of porcelain. They have the same source of strength to draw upon.
12. “If I start speaking up, I’ll never stop”
People feel that if they start speaking up, then they won’t be able to stop.
It’s somewhat true.
But once you develop the skills though, it stops being a concern.
The pressure never builds up to that level.
People feel that if they start speaking up, then they won’t be able to stop.
It’s somewhat true.
But once you develop the skills though, it stops being a concern.
The pressure never builds up to that level.
Which ones of the above beliefs show up the most frequently in your life?
Which one holds you back the most?
Which relationship does it affect the most?
Is it with your spouse? Is it with your friends or at work?
Or is it with your family or with your children?
Which one holds you back the most?
Which relationship does it affect the most?
Is it with your spouse? Is it with your friends or at work?
Or is it with your family or with your children?
Now that you’re aware of these beliefs, catch yourself when these beliefs stir up.
Challenge them.
Prepare a counter-belief and repeat it to yourself.
It will sound fake for a while and that’s okay.
Repeat this enough times and the new belief will be a part of you.
Challenge them.
Prepare a counter-belief and repeat it to yourself.
It will sound fake for a while and that’s okay.
Repeat this enough times and the new belief will be a part of you.
Commit to this today.
Fulfilling and meaningful relationships await you.
Fulfilling and meaningful relationships await you.
I'm looking for a few more people in their 30s-40s who want to become ASSERTIVE and SECURE in their relationships in 8 weeks.
Without spending time and energy on trial and error.
Only 2 more spots left.
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resilienthuman.me
Without spending time and energy on trial and error.
Only 2 more spots left.
Secure your spot here 👇
resilienthuman.me
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I will not rest until everyone learns to ask what they deserve without guilt and shame.
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1. Follow me for more (@resilientthuman)
2. Retweet the top Tweet
I will not rest until everyone learns to ask what they deserve without guilt and shame.
Join me.
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