The Golden Rules Of Conversation
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Everybody wants to be an excellent conversationalist. You want people to leave you feeling complete, not empty or exhausted. You want people to enjoy having conversations with you. When the thought of you comes to mind, it should bring positive emotions and a relaxing mood.
You do not want people to feel apprehension and stress when they think about you.
The easiest way to achieve this is through the way you converse with people. If you suck at conversing, people will hardly be drawn to you.
Here is how to have better quality conversations.
The easiest way to achieve this is through the way you converse with people. If you suck at conversing, people will hardly be drawn to you.
Here is how to have better quality conversations.
1 Dealing with interruptions
People will often interrupt you when youâre saying something; sometimes they get distracted, while others have a habit of doing this. Whichever gets the same response.
Donât continue.
People will often interrupt you when youâre saying something; sometimes they get distracted, while others have a habit of doing this. Whichever gets the same response.
Donât continue.
If they interrupt you, stop talking. Do not resume afterward. Except they specifically ask you what you were saying and acknowledge the interruption, that is the end of that. Donât even bring it up later.
This does two things:
1 Shows you respect yourself and expect to be listened to when youâre speaking
2 Shows youâre only willing to share if they are interested in listening
1 Shows you respect yourself and expect to be listened to when youâre speaking
2 Shows youâre only willing to share if they are interested in listening
2 Wait before responding
Before you respond, wait for three seconds. If they ask you a question, wait 2 seconds, and acknowledge the question by first nodding your head and then proceeding to answer.
Before you respond, wait for three seconds. If they ask you a question, wait 2 seconds, and acknowledge the question by first nodding your head and then proceeding to answer.
Donât be misled by the speed of conversations on podcasts. These are publicly shared conversations where you need to get in as much as possible in the shortest period. In real life, the rules are much more different.
You donât expect the sort of energy in podcasts to be transferred to day-to-day conversations. First, because itâll drain you quickly and youâll run out of things to sporadically and energetically talk about. You have to flow slowly.
3 Acknowledge what your interlocutor said
Acknowledge what the other person said. Either by saying âyesâ or âmm-hmâ before you start on your own point/perspective/nugget etc. It makes the person understand that youâre listening to what they are saying.
Acknowledge what the other person said. Either by saying âyesâ or âmm-hmâ before you start on your own point/perspective/nugget etc. It makes the person understand that youâre listening to what they are saying.
Respond to people, donât just talk. Make references to what they said. Hit back at a point they stated earlier. This makes the conversation a back-and-forth, not just two people saying what they want to say. You two would be âinteracting,â not taking turns to speak at each other.
4 Trailing off
Stay on topic and indicate when youâre about to talk about something else.
Donât just start talking about music after they mentioned that one time they went sky-diving. You must either connect the two or indicate by saying âon a different note.â
Stay on topic and indicate when youâre about to talk about something else.
Donât just start talking about music after they mentioned that one time they went sky-diving. You must either connect the two or indicate by saying âon a different note.â
It doesnât necessarily have to be that phrase but indicate that youâre about to say something unrelated to what they just said.
Conversations are much more enjoyable when the interactions flow in-between topics, going through the knots that tie one topic to the other.
Conversations are much more enjoyable when the interactions flow in-between topics, going through the knots that tie one topic to the other.
5 Dealing with small talk
Donât engage in small talk. When a person starts, just smile and ignore or shake your head. To not appear rude, make an expression on your face that shows a lack of interest and then smile for a brief second.
Donât engage in small talk. When a person starts, just smile and ignore or shake your head. To not appear rude, make an expression on your face that shows a lack of interest and then smile for a brief second.
If the conversation isnât going to have value or at least be interesting, you should avoid it. You donât want people to remember you as the guy who talks about the sky being blue.
If they say âthe weather is cool todayâ just nod and smile.
If they say âthe weather is cool todayâ just nod and smile.
6 Silence
Savor the silence. You donât have to be talking every single second. Take a moment to think about what they said, do something in silence. Out for drinks? Check your phone for some minutes and then drop it and get back to the conversation.
Savor the silence. You donât have to be talking every single second. Take a moment to think about what they said, do something in silence. Out for drinks? Check your phone for some minutes and then drop it and get back to the conversation.
Everybody tells you not to check your phone when youâre out with people. If youâre having a business meeting, yes. If youâre having a casual meet-up with friends, take breaks in-between talks.
If they start talking to you while youâre on your phone, then drop it and listen to them.
If youâre doing something that needs an urgent conclusion, then say âgive me a second, please.â Finish up and then go âYou were trying to tell me something.â
If youâre doing something that needs an urgent conclusion, then say âgive me a second, please.â Finish up and then go âYou were trying to tell me something.â
The more relaxed a conversation is, the more easily you get to properly communicate your ideas/points/opinions and vice versa. It is a conversation, not a fight. The mood should be inviting.
7 Word per value ration
Try to say the most with the least amount of words. Each word must be intentional. If you can say it in 5 words, why use ten? First, you avoid verbosity, and secondly, you avoid talking for long stretches at a time trying to communicate a simple point.
Try to say the most with the least amount of words. Each word must be intentional. If you can say it in 5 words, why use ten? First, you avoid verbosity, and secondly, you avoid talking for long stretches at a time trying to communicate a simple point.
Each word is an arrow, use it well. Donât waste your arrows. You must improve your vocabulary and diction for this. People should hear you when you speak to avoid repeating yourself. Be quotable.
8 Converse based on mutual interests
Iâm not interested in hearing about that one time you wanted to purchase a pair of shoes and the store wasnât open. I am interested in hearing about that one time you had an OOBE.
Iâm not interested in hearing about that one time you wanted to purchase a pair of shoes and the store wasnât open. I am interested in hearing about that one time you had an OOBE.
Talk to people about things they are interested in, which you also happen to find interested. If thereâs no meeting ground, then you two shouldnât be having a conversation in the first place. Neither of you would enjoy it anyway.
Learn to play the game of the elites.
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