Relationships Social Issues Advice
goblin costanza, worm moder
goblin costanza, worm moder

@goblinodds

9 tweets 7 reads Nov 30, 2022
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seems like a lot of backlash to dating advice for straight men like "ask women out" comes from an inability to differentiate between
A) springing a request on an unsuspecting and resistant stranger
B) offering something of mutual value to a potentially interested party
sometimes it's genuinely a case of not being able to read social cues
but my sense is that a lot of the time the root is not being able to think of women as people in the same way that men are people
if you're writing an entire gender off as completely unfathomable and unpredictable, then idk man i'm gonna be suspicious
autistics can learn to model alien beings; so can you
this is definitely what's going on with guys who put women on pedestals and complain that they cant get dates because "women want xyz" but it might be a more subtle factor in guys who arent quite so obviously unable to register that individual women exist
tangential: if you offer simple advice for what feels like a hard problem, it's often taken as an insult bc "if i havent done the simple thing already i must be dumb, and if i have and it didnt work i must be unsalvageable trash"
it's really hard to articulate this stuff without sounding like the misandrists i hate and i think it's bc it's... hard to read things like "you dont think women are people" charitably
but there's more than one possible meaning here
it can mean "you think women are subhuman and you're an abuser" (i don't mean this at all)
it can also mean "you think of women as a monolithic alien species, your relationships with them cant be anything but parasocial" (i do mean this)
lotta people having trouble dating think it's one competition and everyone has an ELO score and you have to beat out 80% of your sex to make it. of *course* they feel hopeless
but dating isnt like that at all
dating is actually millions of much, much smaller ladders. there's no ELO score, just a judge for each one. very often you're the only competitor (but there's no guaranteed winner)
the trick to dating isnt "beating 80% of your sex" it's more like "finding the right ladders"

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