This is not what happens in real psychotherapy.
This is not what skilled psychotherapists do.
It may be called "therapy."
It may be marketed as "therapy."
But it is not psychotherapy.
This is not what skilled psychotherapists do.
It may be called "therapy."
It may be marketed as "therapy."
But it is not psychotherapy.
2/ And to be crystal clear
NEITHER "your emotions and responses and responses are valid"
NOR "get a grip"
are psychotherapy.
A competent psychotherapist would not say either of those things.
NEITHER "your emotions and responses and responses are valid"
NOR "get a grip"
are psychotherapy.
A competent psychotherapist would not say either of those things.
3/ While I'm on a tear, I'll add I don't even know what the word "valid" means here. What exactly is the therapist trying to communicate? I've said things like, *of course* you feel that way, and it makes perfect sense you feel that way, and I don't know how anyone could have
4/ experienced what you did and NOT be furious [heartbroken, devastated, ashamed, etc]. That's validating the person's experience. You know why I say it that way? Because it's how NORMAL people speak. Who the fuck says, your feelings are "valid?" How presumptuous and pompous does
5/ that sound? Who is the therapist to judge what is "valid" or not? Because such a comments *is* passing judgment. The therapy who arrogates to themselves the right to judge what is experience is "valid" has also assumed the right to decide what is not valid.
6/ But what's even more ridiculous is the therapist saying "your *responses* are valid." What does that even mean? I'm serious. Someone please tell me what the word "valid" means here. This is said to someone who describes having meltdowns, throwing things and screaming. There
7/ are so many problems with this, I don't even know where to start. For one, feeling and reactions (behavior) are not remotely synonymous. But the therapist seems to make no distinction. The patients *feelings* may be understandable, perhaps unavoidable. But is there any world
8/ where throwing things and screaming is going to make the patients life better? Help her function more effectively? Improve her relationships? Help her find intimacy? You KNOW the answers is a hard no. Nothing good can follow from this behavior in the long run, and likely not
9/ in the short run either. So what on god's green earth could it mean to tell her responses are "valid?" Therapists are not in the business of deciding what is valid or invalid. We're in the business of helping people change psychologically SO THEY CAN LIVE MORE SATISFYING LIVES
10/ Does the therapist know this? Does she understand what her job is? Or has she been so indoctrinated with some mindless notion of "validating" anything and everything that she has lost the ability to think about a specific patient's actual needs in the moment, and the effect
11/ the words she speaks in therapy? Psychotherapy is a treatment in WORDS. They are the tools of our trade (not the only tools, but crucial ones). It is not okay for a therapist to say things automatically and reflexively in therapy. Our words need to be chosen
12/ actively/thoughtfully, in the context of our psychological understanding of the individual patient and the psychological changes we and they hope to achieve. Such therapists seem to have lost their minds, and I don't mean that as an insult, I mean that in the very concrete
13/ sense of losing the ability to *use their minds in the therapy session* and think about and understand the patient's experience—and how their words to the patient will or will not advance the work of the therapy. Effective therapists do not speak in stock phrases or
14/ therapy-speak clichés. Because when we do, we have stopped using our minds. And when we stop using our minds, we stop actually doing therapy. We may be two people in a room talking, but the wrk of therapy has stopped, if it had ever started.
I'll end my rant here, but
I'll end my rant here, but
/15 add one last horrifying thought. Did this therapist's teachers/supervisors teach that this is therapy? Perhaps they "validated" students instead of teaching them—and failed them, miserably. Or perhaps they didn't know better themselves & had nothing of value to teach.
Loading suggestions...