Speak to older couples who have been happily married for decades. They will tell you, marriage is not just fun. Tiktok couple goals have made many of you over-idealize marriage. Marriage is hard â thereâs rarely any happily married couple that didnât contemplate divorce.
If you want to succeed in marriage, give up on fairytale and embrace reality. Because youâre a real person and your partner is a real person. Too Youâre not characters in some asinine romance novel.
This is what Michelle has been saying, but many feminists on this platform have been calling it toxic. Michelle has been married to Obama for 30 years, and she told yâall that 10 out of the 30 years were difficult and unpleasant and youâre convulsing? Wait.
Thereâs hardly any marriage that doesnât suffer a hit. And no, it doesnât have to be infidelity. What makes marriage hard is the wobbly dynamics it follows â having to adapt to a grown human being for the rest of your life. This is one of the hardest things to do.
Every phase of life brings a different part of your partner to the fore. When youâre just married, you see a different person. When thereâs a child, you see a different person. When there are children, you see a different person. When thereâs pressure, you see a different person
When they canât balance work and family, you see a different person. I donât mean to scare you, but itâs laborious. An intentional and amenable partner will not make it absolutely seamless; theyâll make it a bit less hard.
There are couples whoâve been working on an area of their marriage for 10 years. Itâs that deep. Even with an intentional partner, people rarely do a swift switch. They take it bit by bit. And most times, youâre both wounded children in adult bodies, and this makes it much more.
This is reality and often times, itâs deeply toxic people who cannot come to terms with this reality. It takes humility to realize this, and some happily married people were humbled by force. This isnât even a gendered conversation, because some feminists ask why always women?
Why always women sacrificing? Absolutely false narrative. But even if it was true, marriage is not a place to play an equal game. Hence, marriage can never be 50:50. Never. It has to be both parties bringing everything. However, your partnerâs everything might be 20% of yours.
But itâs their everything at that moment, and you can see that they really canât do much at that moment. And this swings around. Tomorrow you might be the one offering less. This is why you must not marry someone who you canât lovingly serve forever if they canât do anything else
Imagine this: if they are sick and bedridden, can you cater for them â bath and clean them up forever? If they go jobless or physically incapacitated to ever get a job, can you shoulder it forever? And with joy? Not happiness, joy. Can you?
If you canât, stay single. My approach to life is to imagine the worst before imagining the best. This sounds dark and pessimistic, but people who are too romantically jiggly about marriage often lose it easily.
If marriage was easy, the Bible wouldnât describe love as patient, long-suffering, doesnât keep record of scores, forgiving, kind, doesnât boast or brag. Do you know what it means to be patient? Get married first. Do you know what it means to suffer long? Marry first.
Iâve stated this, love suffers long. It is impossible to truly love according to biblical standard and give up easily. Itâs in the ânot giving up easilyâ that builds character in you for your marriage, and help you break into deeper levels of intimacy and beauty as a couple.
Ask happily married people if they never contemplated divorce, even unvoiced? Walking away is easy. Itâs so easy. Iâm not in anyway talking about chronically abusive marriages. The first rule is to make sure you marry someone who you KNOW has a good that fears God.
And to stay happily married, you must conquer to urge to always feel it. You will not always feel it. And thatâs where our generation fails woefully. We âfeelâ everything and that makes it legitimate to us. We donât understand stoicism â the best of humans are humans STRETCHED.
Without insensitivity, âmental healthâ is slowly becoming a garb we use to hide our selfishness. Sometimes, your mental health isnât failing, you just lack mental fortitude. How much pain can you handle? You might need help, but are you willing to not run from it?
Listen, when youâre old and grey; when you look back with your life partner to your decades in marriage, itâs not chills and butterflies youâll feel. Itâs gratitude and joy that two people fought hard through different times to make it work, and it paid off.
This thread isnât to induce fear or to make marriage seem as a dreary affair. I want you all to see what Tiktok couples donât tell you or havenât even realized. Celebrity couples donât tell you this, but you need to know it. Marry right and be humble âcos marriage will bend you.
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