There are two subspecies of pilots in Kenya and one entirely different species. The first two are the Aviatus Jomukus and Aviatus Wilsonicus.
The Aviatus Jomukus is a fascinating breed. The older members of this species have perfected the art of lying and PR. They have crafted a
The Aviatus Jomukus is a fascinating breed. The older members of this species have perfected the art of lying and PR. They have crafted a
public image so carefully and throughly that sometimes they have a problem recognizing their true self. The younger members of this sub species communicate in multiple repetitions of "you guy my guy" and can neither form a complete English nor KiSwahili sentence. You'll often
them saying things like "That day my guy after we kujad to vasha.." amongst other similarly confusing language. They are liar apprentices, having neither perfected the art nor the skill for good PR and lies, and as a result are always in one cheating scandal or another.
Both groups have smooth, clear skin & are always in immaculately pressed white shirts. Perks of a modern, air conditioned cockpit. They mostly drive Subarus on 3rd party insurance but in later stages of their lives, DT Dobie Mercs. They have deep knowledge of Syokimau apartments.
The Aviatus Wilsonicus are an astonishing subspecies. They are kept alive by the grace of God, the power of dreams and shylocks (mostly shylocks). To the rest of the country, they are pilots. To each other, they are waiting to join aviation by transitioning to the Aviatus J.
Their typical environment involves operations around 1970-1980 airplanes. The luckier ones amongst them fly early 90's planes. They have debt.
As a result of this, they suffer terrible self esteem & usually take off their flying garments even before they leave the aprons(parking)
As a result of this, they suffer terrible self esteem & usually take off their flying garments even before they leave the aprons(parking)
They gain their self confidence through gin (not more than KeS 1500 a bottle) and Qwetu baddies. They are poor.
They typically drive all manner of 2.0 litre engine toyota's and vehicles inherited from their parents. While they can form complete English sentences, You wouldn't
They typically drive all manner of 2.0 litre engine toyota's and vehicles inherited from their parents. While they can form complete English sentences, You wouldn't
know from the heavy accents. They generally prefer brown pants because their challenging operating environment calls for some wisdom and foresight in hiding evidence of "Surprise Happenings In Theatre". They never wear ties because 80's planes don't have ACs.
They are also generally more heavily built than their Aviatus J. relatives because fly by wire will not be available in their region until 2050. Because of this, they generally eat heavy and their favorite eatery always has ugali mbuzi in plenty. They are broke.
Due to their dangerous operating environment, they have 11/10 situational awareness. They talk fast on radio because in the time it take a typical Aviatus J pilot to finish a radio transmission, oil pressure would have dropped on a Fokker. Did I mention they are broke?
The other species is the Aviatus Wanyaks. This is the most peculiar species of aviators. They generally posses speech challenges, suspected to be due to their vocabulary being limited to "Ndio Sir!" and "Afande Sir". On unmanned frequencies they give the most brief and vague
transmissions. Experts speculate this may be due to their limited vocabulary. They speak some language they say is English but no one really understands them. Rumours say the controllers clear them anyway coz they fear sirkal. They generally spot short haircuts to keep
dust, twigs, shell fragments and rust out of their hair. As you can guess, their faces look the part. What they lack in speech abilities however they make up for with insanely blistering speed. They are always in a hurry to fly from on bush to another. A tiger flight will
issue a traffic advisory on ground in Laikipia while an Aviatus W. vintage is approaching Longonot and still manage to blaze through the Loita plains before the poor bugger reaches the satellite station. To keep up with the act, huey pilots make position calls
when almost crossing paths and lie they are 10 miles away but TCAS will never pick them up because for some reason it interprets them as stationary targets. These are hard MFs and rumour has it they don't even strap on their seatbelts, gravity inaogopa serikali.
Aviatus Wanyaks have a deep dislike for modern things and city life. They prefer life in the thickets away from civilisation. As a form of punishment, misbehaving Wanyaks are sent to bases in the cities, although they'll periodically sneak out to fly in the bushes.
Currently, a government program is underway to familiarise them with modern technology like fly by wire, glass cockpits, ads-b transponders and GPS. This technology will be available in Wilson in 2070.
Those are the two species of pilots in Kenya and their subspecies. Now you know them.
Anyway, nimeboeka...send entertainment (that will not cost more than KeS 1,500)
Anyway, nimeboeka...send entertainment (that will not cost more than KeS 1,500)
Loading suggestions...