Why Women Leave Men
A thread 🧵
A thread 🧵
Obviously there are a million specific reasons a woman might claim she's leaving a man for. Broke, fat, neglectful. No more spark.
But dig down beneath these surface explanations and you realize there are only ever t2o reasons a woman leaves a man:
Not enough Desire or Comfort.
But dig down beneath these surface explanations and you realize there are only ever t2o reasons a woman leaves a man:
Not enough Desire or Comfort.
Desire is what most “red pilled” men fixate on. She isn’t turned on enough by you.
Any of these can trigger a lack of desire:
- She finds you physically unappealing
- You act passive and unconfident
- You don’t set boundaries
- You’re boring
Any of these can trigger a lack of desire:
- She finds you physically unappealing
- You act passive and unconfident
- You don’t set boundaries
- You’re boring
When a woman doesn’t desire you, she loses interest in spending time with you. This is when you see a woman “too busy”
She disrespects you predominantly by ignoring you. If she is forced to spend time with you, or if you are affectionate with her, she recoils. Sex is obligatory.
She disrespects you predominantly by ignoring you. If she is forced to spend time with you, or if you are affectionate with her, she recoils. Sex is obligatory.
Contrary to “red pill” perception, this is LESS commonly the main problem in relationships. Though it is the main thing guys struggle with in dating.
The reason is simple: if a woman decided to commit to you, a baseline level of desire was already likely there.
The reason is simple: if a woman decided to commit to you, a baseline level of desire was already likely there.
When there is low desire in a relationship, it’s because the man was either being taken advantage of from the start, or because be “let himself go” mentally or physically. He became lazy.
You usually see it as a slow dissipation.. or rapidly after a man is defeated & "gives up."
You usually see it as a slow dissipation.. or rapidly after a man is defeated & "gives up."
Comfort is where 80% of relationships struggle. She doesn’t feel CONNECTED enough to you.
Any of these can trigger a lack of comfort:
- You work too much
- Financial strain
- You’re not present, mentally or emotionally
- You’re harsh or neglectful
Any of these can trigger a lack of comfort:
- You work too much
- Financial strain
- You’re not present, mentally or emotionally
- You’re harsh or neglectful
When a woman doesn’t feel comfort from you, she nags and complains. She creates drama for attention.
She disrespects you predominantly through outbursts & challenges. She wants to spend time with you, though acts rude. She may initiate sex, only to withhold it when you want it.
She disrespects you predominantly through outbursts & challenges. She wants to spend time with you, though acts rude. She may initiate sex, only to withhold it when you want it.
Most guys think any disrespect is lack of desire. It’s not.
If a woman feels disrespected but doesn’t FEAR a guy, then she will disrespect him back. She is acting like a bitch DEFENSIVELY, at least in her mind.
This is a power dynamic, due to low trust.
If a woman feels disrespected but doesn’t FEAR a guy, then she will disrespect him back. She is acting like a bitch DEFENSIVELY, at least in her mind.
This is a power dynamic, due to low trust.
Understand:
She wants you, but she doesn't feel wanted. And it affects her sense of self-worth. Gradually, she “falls out of love” bc loving you simply feels bad.
The lower a woman's self-esteem, the more comfort she needs. Her insecurities will CREATE illusionary issues.
She wants you, but she doesn't feel wanted. And it affects her sense of self-worth. Gradually, she “falls out of love” bc loving you simply feels bad.
The lower a woman's self-esteem, the more comfort she needs. Her insecurities will CREATE illusionary issues.
So what to do?
If your desire is low in the relationship, then you need to:
A) Focus on doing new cool things, and yes meeting other people (including women)
B) Get in top physical shape
C) Say no to most requests she makes of you. You’re “too busy”
Overall, BE LESS AVAILABLE.
If your desire is low in the relationship, then you need to:
A) Focus on doing new cool things, and yes meeting other people (including women)
B) Get in top physical shape
C) Say no to most requests she makes of you. You’re “too busy”
Overall, BE LESS AVAILABLE.
If your comfort is low in the relationships, however, then you need to:
A) Make her needs a priority; show her you care (see love language thread)
B) Take away as much stress as possible from her life
C) Show her you want and desire her
Overall, MAKE HER FEEL LIKE YOU CARE.
A) Make her needs a priority; show her you care (see love language thread)
B) Take away as much stress as possible from her life
C) Show her you want and desire her
Overall, MAKE HER FEEL LIKE YOU CARE.
FYI, the best way to meet her needs is to know her love language
There are 5 love languages:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Gifts
Read this thread for more details
There are 5 love languages:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Gifts
Read this thread for more details
The more desire you have, the longer a woman will endure low comfort.
But that doesn’t mean she is happy not having it. If it gets too bad, she will likely talk to other guys to get the emotional connection she lacks. She might even cheat.
But that doesn’t mean she is happy not having it. If it gets too bad, she will likely talk to other guys to get the emotional connection she lacks. She might even cheat.
Similarly, women will suffer in a low-desire relationship if their man is a “good man” who provides comfort.
But she’ll always daydream about meeting someone new & exciting, and the risk of cheating always there.
Unless they're too old to rebound, eventually they usually jump.
But she’ll always daydream about meeting someone new & exciting, and the risk of cheating always there.
Unless they're too old to rebound, eventually they usually jump.
Low comfort is usually easier to recover than low desire. You're at least still in her mind.
A woman has to look at you with *new eyes* to find you desirable once she’s stopped. That requires SPACE.
The road to greater comfort takes TIME. She needs to learn to trust you again.
A woman has to look at you with *new eyes* to find you desirable once she’s stopped. That requires SPACE.
The road to greater comfort takes TIME. She needs to learn to trust you again.
In practice of course, most relationships will suffer from a lack of both comfort AND desire.
This is why usually when a guy does “dread game” in his relationship, he gets some sexual responsiveness from his woman at first… followed by MORE drama.
Eventually she wants out.
This is why usually when a guy does “dread game” in his relationship, he gets some sexual responsiveness from his woman at first… followed by MORE drama.
Eventually she wants out.
Women usually stop wanting sex in a relationship for different reasons than most guys assume ->
READ: "Why Your Woman Stops Wanting Sex"
patstedman.com
READ: "Why Your Woman Stops Wanting Sex"
patstedman.com
This is why fixing most relationships is complicated. You may need to work on both desire & comfort, yet how to increase one without reducing the other?
How to proceed depends on the specific context of one's relationship
Use a boilerplate “red pill” approach at your own peril.
How to proceed depends on the specific context of one's relationship
Use a boilerplate “red pill” approach at your own peril.
This is surgery; snip an artery you’ve killed the patient. You need a surgeon to help you
Which is where I come in.
I’ve helped 100+ guys on their relationships alone
If your relationship is in trouble, consider working with me: patstedman.com
Which is where I come in.
I’ve helped 100+ guys on their relationships alone
If your relationship is in trouble, consider working with me: patstedman.com
Thanks for reading. If you liked this thread, please retweet it
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You get a free copy of my book, which goes into comfort and desire in much more depth
And get on my email list for dating & relationship advice 3x per week: patstedman.com
You get a free copy of my book, which goes into comfort and desire in much more depth
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