1/ People who become therapists often "served as emotional caregivers in our families of origin."
Their results in "a preference for passivity, an overemphasis on the client as an innocent and tortured child, and a preference for avoiding conflict."
—Karen Maroda
Nailed it.
Their results in "a preference for passivity, an overemphasis on the client as an innocent and tortured child, and a preference for avoiding conflict."
—Karen Maroda
Nailed it.
2/ Pragmatically, this often means therapists unconsciously work to keep the patient's anger and aggression out of the therapy relationship—and so deprive the patient of the opportunity to know & understand these parts of themselves. Instead of creating therapy relationships
3/ where all of parts of the patient are welcome and can have their say, they set themselves up as "good guy," caretaker & soother, and collude with the patient to direct their anger toward one or another "bad guy" who becomes a mutually designated villain. Then, neither
4/ patient or therapist ever have to confront let alone reckon with the patient's anger and hate.
This was a survival strategy in the therapist's own childhood. It was a matter of emotional survival to soothe and avoid provoking a depressed, angry, or otherwise emotionally
This was a survival strategy in the therapist's own childhood. It was a matter of emotional survival to soothe and avoid provoking a depressed, angry, or otherwise emotionally
5/ unstable and potentially volatile parent.
They carry these personality dynamics into the therapy relationship, soothing the patient's distress and tiptoeing around anything that might provoke. They and the patient can then have a warm, mutually appreciative relationship.
They carry these personality dynamics into the therapy relationship, soothing the patient's distress and tiptoeing around anything that might provoke. They and the patient can then have a warm, mutually appreciative relationship.
6/ But when the patient leaves therapy, there has been no meaningful change. The self-defeating patterns that ultimately led them to therapy remain unexamined and intact.
The protection against this is in-depth personal psychotherapy for the therapist, in which the therapist
The protection against this is in-depth personal psychotherapy for the therapist, in which the therapist
7/ can develop enough understanding & insight into their own relational patterns to gain some freedom from them, and avoid enacting them with their patients.
This leads us to the Catch-22 at the heart of all of it. If the therapist's therapist has not themselves done this work,
This leads us to the Catch-22 at the heart of all of it. If the therapist's therapist has not themselves done this work,
8/ it will be a blind spot in the therapist's therapy. The therapist may love their own therapist, but not develop real understanding of their own personality & relational patterns, or change in psychologically meaningful ways.
9/ Then the pattern will simply be replicated & transmitted from one generation of therapists to the next.
In the end, we have therapists who are function, de facto, as warm, supportive caretakers—but not as psychotherapists.
In the end, we have therapists who are function, de facto, as warm, supportive caretakers—but not as psychotherapists.
Loading suggestions...