Almost everything in life is a negotation.
But 99% of us don't know how to do it well.
Chris Voss is an ex-FBI hostage negotiator who wrote my favorite book on the topic.
Here are my top 10 takeaways from his 200+ page book:
But 99% of us don't know how to do it well.
Chris Voss is an ex-FBI hostage negotiator who wrote my favorite book on the topic.
Here are my top 10 takeaways from his 200+ page book:
1/ Practice tactical empathy
Negotiations begin with listening.
Treat the conversation as a process of mutual discovery instead of a zero-sum game.
Use mirrors and labels to tease out the other party's perspectives and emotions.
Negotiations begin with listening.
Treat the conversation as a process of mutual discovery instead of a zero-sum game.
Use mirrors and labels to tease out the other party's perspectives and emotions.
2/ Mirroring
Mirroring means repeating the last few words of what the other party just said.
By doing this, the other party will likely:
1. Share more information with you
2. Connect more with you because you're listening
Mirroring means repeating the last few words of what the other party just said.
By doing this, the other party will likely:
1. Share more information with you
2. Connect more with you because you're listening
3/ Use labels
Start sentences with labels like "It sounds like..." to tease out the other party's emotions.
1. Labeling a negative emotion disarms it:
"It sounds like you're upset..."
2 Labeling a positive emotion reinforces it:
"It seems like you really care about..."
Start sentences with labels like "It sounds like..." to tease out the other party's emotions.
1. Labeling a negative emotion disarms it:
"It sounds like you're upset..."
2 Labeling a positive emotion reinforces it:
"It seems like you really care about..."
4/ Do an accusation audit
List the top grievances from the other party and proactively say them at the outset.
This will help you disarm any tension in the conversation. The other party might even come to your defense if you seem too hard on yourself.
List the top grievances from the other party and proactively say them at the outset.
This will help you disarm any tension in the conversation. The other party might even come to your defense if you seem too hard on yourself.
5/ Use the right tone
Use the positive tone by default: Relax and smile while you're talking.
Use the late night FM DJ tone to make a point: Speak slowly, calmly and inflect your voice downwards.
Avoid the assertive tone: This tone usually triggers defensiveness.
Use the positive tone by default: Relax and smile while you're talking.
Use the late night FM DJ tone to make a point: Speak slowly, calmly and inflect your voice downwards.
Avoid the assertive tone: This tone usually triggers defensiveness.
6/ Ask calibrated questions
Use "How" and "What" questions to understand the other party's needs and make them come up with a solution themselves.
"What's our goal here?"
"How might we solve this problem?"
"How would you like me to proceed?"
"How can I make this better for us?"
Use "How" and "What" questions to understand the other party's needs and make them come up with a solution themselves.
"What's our goal here?"
"How might we solve this problem?"
"How would you like me to proceed?"
"How can I make this better for us?"
7/ Use "How" questions to say "No"
Instead of saying "No" directly, use "How" questions to make the other party feel empathy for your needs.
e.g., "How am I supposed to do that?"
Make sure your tone is a request for help vs. sarcastic.
Instead of saying "No" directly, use "How" questions to make the other party feel empathy for your needs.
e.g., "How am I supposed to do that?"
Make sure your tone is a request for help vs. sarcastic.
8/ The 7-38-55 rule
7% of the message is the words
38% is the tone of voice
55% is the body language and face
Pay attention to the other party's tone and body language to see if they match up to the words.
If not, use labels to tease out the objections.
7% of the message is the words
38% is the tone of voice
55% is the body language and face
Pay attention to the other party's tone and body language to see if they match up to the words.
If not, use labels to tease out the objections.
9/ When talking numbers, use these tactics
1. Let the other party go first: They might give a higher offer that you want.
2. Establish a range: People in this role get between $X and Y.
3. Use odd numbers: Say $125K vs. $100K to make your offer seem more considered.
1. Let the other party go first: They might give a higher offer that you want.
2. Establish a range: People in this role get between $X and Y.
3. Use odd numbers: Say $125K vs. $100K to make your offer seem more considered.
10/ Find the black swan
Every negotiation is a process to uncover information and what you don't know can kill the deal.
Use what we just covered to check if the other party:
1. Has the right information
2. Has the same goal
2. Is the actual decision maker
Every negotiation is a process to uncover information and what you don't know can kill the deal.
Use what we just covered to check if the other party:
1. Has the right information
2. Has the same goal
2. Is the actual decision maker
11/ To recap, here's how you can negotiate better:
1. Show tactical empathy
2. Use mirroring and labels
3. Do an accusation audit
4. Use the right tone
5. Ask calibrated questions
7. Use "How" to say "No"
8. The 7-38-55 rule
9. Use odd numbers and ranges
10. Find the black swan
1. Show tactical empathy
2. Use mirroring and labels
3. Do an accusation audit
4. Use the right tone
5. Ask calibrated questions
7. Use "How" to say "No"
8. The 7-38-55 rule
9. Use odd numbers and ranges
10. Find the black swan
12/ If you enjoyed these tips, check out Chris's book below:
amazon.com
amazon.com
13/ Follow me @petergyang for if you enjoyed this thread.
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