I think parents or even friends should be mindful of predicating the level of their involvements in relationships by how willing they are to go to the extremes. Some practical examples:
You may tell yourself that you’ll die for your kids. While that is most probably true and commendable, it can be a mental safety trap which leads you to ignore the more important stuff: to live for your kids. Your kids may never actually need you to die for them.
Many parents do this. They ignore the 99 things they should be doing to give their kids very qualitative lives because, at the back of their minds, there’s that 1 thing they so trust they will do, if push comes to shove. But push rarely comes to certain shoves.
Are you intentional about them today? Are you developing yourself to pour into them? Are you listening to them and providing their needs now? Even if poor, are you constantly reassuring them and making visible impacts on their lives? These are the hard ones.
Are you orienting them towards the right kind of relationships they should maintain in your absence? Are you staying healthy so they can enjoy your presence longer than otherwise could be the case? These are the hard parts. Dying happens just once. And sometimes too late.
Happens in friendships too. While there are a few exceptions, I think most friendships require constant and intentional communication. The idea of “we may not talk but when you need me I’ll be there” is mostly illusory. Overestimated nostalgia.
It’s unavoidable sometimes but when avoidable, it’s best to continuously follow up with friends. Because when push really comes to shove, you’ll not be at the fore of their minds anymore. A new sheriff is very likely in town now. And that’s how most die.
It’s harder today because we have so many “friends”. We’re making new ones. Perhaps the most important social hack in our times is knowing how to manage a decent array of acquaintances while prioritizing core friendships.
Whatever is not nourished, dies. Some die faster than others but die they all will. You could swear you’ll kill and die for your loved ones but it comes down to what you do with that feeling, today.
At the end of the day, it’s possible to feel so strongly about someone yet in actual life, the love means nothing.
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