Why most people will never have great relationships:
People complicate communication in relationships.
I'll simplify them for you.
When people share a feeling or thought, they want to feel heard.
If they don't feel heard, they'll feel devalued.
And devaluation leads to resentment.
Here's how to avoid this:
I'll simplify them for you.
When people share a feeling or thought, they want to feel heard.
If they don't feel heard, they'll feel devalued.
And devaluation leads to resentment.
Here's how to avoid this:
A conversation will trigger all types of emotions, so you must recognize that before you begin:
• Joy
• Fear
• Anger
• Sadness
It's okay to have these feelings, and it's okay for these feelings to give you incorrect advice.
• Joy
• Fear
• Anger
• Sadness
It's okay to have these feelings, and it's okay for these feelings to give you incorrect advice.
You can avoid this by picturing a glass case around the other person.
Anything they say is blocked by glass and cannot harm you.
It is crucial to take this step, because if you get triggered, you will not be able to listen to the person.
The opposite will happen.
Anything they say is blocked by glass and cannot harm you.
It is crucial to take this step, because if you get triggered, you will not be able to listen to the person.
The opposite will happen.
The second step is to ask the person how they feel and what they think.
As they speak, put away any distractions and be present.
Your job is to listen.
Give your attention to listening and understanding, not talking and responding immediately.
As they speak, put away any distractions and be present.
Your job is to listen.
Give your attention to listening and understanding, not talking and responding immediately.
Third, acknowledge what they said by summarizing what they said back to them.
"I think I heard you say …"
"What I hear you say is..."
Then say, "Is that right?"
If they say, "Yes," you're done.
If they say, "No," ask them to repeat it until you can summarize it.
"I think I heard you say …"
"What I hear you say is..."
Then say, "Is that right?"
If they say, "Yes," you're done.
If they say, "No," ask them to repeat it until you can summarize it.
When you have correctly summarized what they said, ask, "Is there more?"
You can keep digging deeper by repeating this process until there's no more.
In most cases, when you get to the heart of the matter, they have an "ah-ha" moment that may resolve the problem.
You can keep digging deeper by repeating this process until there's no more.
In most cases, when you get to the heart of the matter, they have an "ah-ha" moment that may resolve the problem.
When repeating, be sure to describe their feelings and thoughts.
Put yourself in their shoes and express your feelings and thoughts.
Make it big here.
Use swear words.
Exaggerate your thoughts.
Keep in mind they're holding back for fear of an unknown reaction.
Put yourself in their shoes and express your feelings and thoughts.
Make it big here.
Use swear words.
Exaggerate your thoughts.
Keep in mind they're holding back for fear of an unknown reaction.
They have toned down their thoughts and are holding back how they truly feel.
If you tone it down, they won't feel heard.
By contrast, if you amp it up, they will likely say, "Well, it's not that extreme."
But they will feel heard.
If you tone it down, they won't feel heard.
By contrast, if you amp it up, they will likely say, "Well, it's not that extreme."
But they will feel heard.
If you want someone to feel heard, ask them.
Once you've completed the above process, simply ask, "Do you feel heard?"
If their answer is yes, then you know you've been successful and can address the issues at hand.
If not, dig deeper.
Once you've completed the above process, simply ask, "Do you feel heard?"
If their answer is yes, then you know you've been successful and can address the issues at hand.
If not, dig deeper.
This is the single most powerful tool for creating trust and connection, and amplifying your relationships.
People want to feel heard.
They only feel heard if you listen actively.
The impact of doing this is often far greater than addressing their feedback.
People want to feel heard.
They only feel heard if you listen actively.
The impact of doing this is often far greater than addressing their feedback.
That's a wrap!
Follow me @_alexbrogan for more thought-provoking content to help you get better at the game of life.
Follow me @_alexbrogan for more thought-provoking content to help you get better at the game of life.
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