The conversation about express verbal consent to sex in the Nigerian context, is a forced one -- engagement farming at best. At worst, an erroneous need to import alien customs without considering local peculiarities because we still think foreign = superior.
I say so because our sexual consciousness hasn't developed or regressed, depending on what side of the argument you're on, to the point where we are comfortable with forthrightly verbalising venereal intentions with prospective first-time sexual partners.
Ask a Nigerian girl "Can I kiss you?", and the majority of the time, her answer will be negative even when she has the liquid volume of the river Niger flowing through her legs.
Many young men have asked that question out of experience or because they thought it was cute, only to discover real life isn't Hollywood, when the babe, instead, gets turned off by it.
In real life, "Do you want to fuck?" will most likely be met with a "no" but "Let's go into my room, now?", will probably get you laid.
Furthermore, most Nigerian women employ token resistance as a matter of course, men are expected to "apply pressure" and those who don't, are shamed for not "understanding how women are."
So, ignoring our laws and cultural reality and instead, using foreign and/or fictional yardsticks to define consent is a mental exercise for posturers, attention-seekers, or those with limited sexual experience.
This is by no means saying consent should not be sought. It absolutely has to. Point is, we have our own legal, proper and more natural ways of communicating consent that work for the most part without the mechanical...
Requirement of questions like "Can I kiss you?"
To highlight the impracticality of the prerequisite of seeking express verbal consent, who gets to decide who needs to ask the question at different points.
To highlight the impracticality of the prerequisite of seeking express verbal consent, who gets to decide who needs to ask the question at different points.
If a man asks a woman if he can kiss her and she acquiesces, and while they're kissing, she grabs his penis, is that sexual assault? He sought consent to kiss her. But she didn't seek consent to grab his willy.
Or is the the consent requirement in this alternate reality unidirectionally male-specific?
Let's take the ridiculousness even further: If she does ask for consent to grab his penis, does he need consent to fondle her breasts since consenting to kissing doesn't mean...
Let's take the ridiculousness even further: If she does ask for consent to grab his penis, does he need consent to fondle her breasts since consenting to kissing doesn't mean...
Consenting to breast fondling?
And as the back and forth goes between different stages of the sexual encounter, at what point do they have sex and what will be the quality of that sex considering spontaneity, unpredictability and tension are key ingredients for great sex?
And as the back and forth goes between different stages of the sexual encounter, at what point do they have sex and what will be the quality of that sex considering spontaneity, unpredictability and tension are key ingredients for great sex?
We are not who we think we are no matter how much posturing we do on the internet or how much we want to copy what we see on our screens from dysfunctional cultures.
We are not those guys.
We are not those guys.
Out of inexperience*
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