I remember courting a beautiful girl in campus. She wouldn't say much, if anything. After 2 weeks, I figured she wasn't interested so quit. After a week she came to my hostel quite upset livid at what she termed mixed signals. I said I was tired of carrying our conversations...
... which somehow incensed her further. So after an awkward, 5-minute, angry silence she blurted that my problem was that I spoke too much English. And too fast.
I have never shelved English so fast in my life. Never spoken so slow either. I was practically master Oogway.
I have never shelved English so fast in my life. Never spoken so slow either. I was practically master Oogway.
Anyway, we dated for some time until she decided she preferred a weed peddler to a serious economics student. I cut my losses, sought another bossom.
Fast forward, last year she reached out. Asked if I was married: I said no. She said she wasn't too. I said congratulations.
Fast forward, last year she reached out. Asked if I was married: I said no. She said she wasn't too. I said congratulations.
She then asked if I was getting to Eldoret anytime soon. I said in about a week. She said we needed to link up. I said cool. But I told her, that I could never link up with her as a friend. She said we'd see. Which, for all purposes & intent, meant it was going down.
I get to Eldoret, we meet up. She looked nothing like she used to but you know, shit happens. We talk some. Still my fast English, but she doesn't mind. I get an Airbnb, she promises to come see me the next day after work coz she still lives with parents.
Next day she does come. I initiate the getting down but she is stubborn. After the fourth try, I'm frustrated, I quit l. I said even the devil tested Jesus only 3 times & she wasn't Jesus. She starts crying. She says I made her feel like a prostitute.
I say, but we talked over the phone about the deed. She says, well you could at least try to court me. I say but I bought you chicken last night. She says that's not courting. I concede. Ask her what she had in mind. She says I could at least pretend to ask her to be my gf.
I say, "look woman, we only have 2 days before I go back to work." If I was to ask her to be my gf it would take days I don't have. She says she works best under pressure. That I should ask her to be my gf and set a 2-day deadline. That's when I knew I dealing with a lunatic.
I cut my losses for the 2nd time, dropped her at her parents', who were conveniently waiting at the gate, & insisted I come in for tea. Best tea I ever tasted. Then started asking about where I saw myself in 5 years. I innocently said "Nairobi", which made them scowl.
Anyway, I smelled bs. Left as soon as I could, packed my stuff, came back to Nairobi.
6 months, last week, I'm going about my business. Her text comes in, "Hi T., You are uncle". Sends a picture of a baby, whose face I refuse to comment on as God loves all children.
6 months, last week, I'm going about my business. Her text comes in, "Hi T., You are uncle". Sends a picture of a baby, whose face I refuse to comment on as God loves all children.
I have never thanked God so much in my life, man. Mother's prayers are real.
And, FYI, I'll stick to fast English for the foreseeable future. If the person I'm courting doesn't like it, that's all the red flag I need.
I'm experienced now. Don't think you are sleek.
And, FYI, I'll stick to fast English for the foreseeable future. If the person I'm courting doesn't like it, that's all the red flag I need.
I'm experienced now. Don't think you are sleek.
Her parents could whip mean tea, though, I'll give them that.
That was one hell of a cup of tea.
That was one hell of a cup of tea.
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