The Messy Pool
1./ A male friend who’s looking to get married was telling me the horror stories of his encounters with potential spouses. His stories were hilarious yet underlying it all was a certain sense of hopelessness and fear that he would end up with “just anybody.”
1./ A male friend who’s looking to get married was telling me the horror stories of his encounters with potential spouses. His stories were hilarious yet underlying it all was a certain sense of hopelessness and fear that he would end up with “just anybody.”
2./ I’ve also had similar conversations with female friends looking to settle down. Underlying the hope for a great partner is a recurring fear that great partners no longer exist. (I’m not sure this fear is new).
It may always have been the case but is amplified these days.
It may always have been the case but is amplified these days.
3./ If the men & women who are truly looking for fulfilling relationships are struggling, what’s the cause?
Why aren’t these 2 sets of people who seem like a match for each other meeting themselves?
Why do I leave these convos wanting to matchmake people but thinking. . .Nah.
Why aren’t these 2 sets of people who seem like a match for each other meeting themselves?
Why do I leave these convos wanting to matchmake people but thinking. . .Nah.
4./ Let all people find who suits them.
Let the success or failure be their own - I don’t want the guilt that comes with ; “You introduced him/her to me.”
I think it’s because a part of me acknowledges that however good these people appear to me one-on-one,
Let the success or failure be their own - I don’t want the guilt that comes with ; “You introduced him/her to me.”
I think it’s because a part of me acknowledges that however good these people appear to me one-on-one,
5./ I can’t help but think that they also contribute wittingly or unwittingly to the pee in the pool. Because it’s a contributory failure. One side can’t take the entire blame for the problems.
6./ On further reflection, I came to the conclusion that a major reason why the relationship pool is messy and people struggle to find worthwhile partners is that too many experts/advisers to both genders spend a lot of energy telling their audiences what they deserve.
7./ There’s too much emphasis on what people must not tolerate/accept and how deserving they are of “the best.”
There’s not enough content telling people what they ought to give and how to make themselves that person that will be a blessing to have as a partner.
There’s not enough content telling people what they ought to give and how to make themselves that person that will be a blessing to have as a partner.
8./ So most people approach the pool/market from a selfish starting point of what I want/what I deserve.
This means that when people are seeking a relationship, the importance of meeting the needs of their desired partners isn’t front of mind.
This means that when people are seeking a relationship, the importance of meeting the needs of their desired partners isn’t front of mind.
9./ Yet ultimately any product entering a market must seek to meet the needs of its potential consumers.
This unpreparedness/unwillingness to meet consumer needs plagues both sexes & will probably remain a sticking point for the foreseeable future.
This unpreparedness/unwillingness to meet consumer needs plagues both sexes & will probably remain a sticking point for the foreseeable future.
10./ Maybe it’s time to review the messages we have on repeat and internalise and see if perhaps they are are more of a hindrance than a help.
Because what is a win?
Priding ourselves on our self-worth and being too valuable for the market that we remain museum pieces?
Because what is a win?
Priding ourselves on our self-worth and being too valuable for the market that we remain museum pieces?
11./ Or admitting that we are all human, hungry for something and try to be that which will satisfy the kind of person we want to end up with?
It’s our choice to make.
Make a great weekend.😊✌️🌸
It’s our choice to make.
Make a great weekend.😊✌️🌸
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