When we were still dating, my wife asked for my permission to go out with a long time secondary school male classmate, “Will you feel comfortable if I go out with him?” Another instance was when her prospective housemate was going to be a man. Asking for PERMISSION in marriage is common practice; it’s a show of respect and courtesy.
The both times my wife asked for permission, I approved. Permission simply means consent/green-light. and it doesn’t have to be autocratic. If we are predicating everything in marriage on the foundation that men should love their wives like Christ, then this should be easy.
By permission, I don’t mean merely informing your partner. Asking for their approval with the consideration that they can say NO and you’d happily or unhappily accept it. Marriage is a union that changes every personal dynamic of our lives; everything done affects your partner.
You don’t inform your partner that your friend is coming to sleep over. You ask permission/consent. There are places you can’t go to without asking for permission. I would have thought that this was common knowledge, but apparently it’s a topic being abused by extreme feminists.
Marriage requires a level of relinquishing your rights to the discretion of your partner. You go from ‘I’ to ‘WE’; from ‘ME’ to ‘US’. So, your marriage is never about you, it’s about the family; about the oneness and harmony of the family front.
This conversation has gotten contentious especially with Nigerian feminists on it, because some of them only see the extremities of healthy practices. They don’t imagine scenarios where men are measured, kind and godly. They are ideological extremists.
I’m weary of people who have issues with CONTROL and AUTHORITY in marriage, whether by position or by influence. They’re against manly headship in marriage; against female submission; against men protecting their wives; against wives listening to their husbands. Hmm!
They are anarchists; ruled by self without any regard for a sense of authority that is bigger than their wishes and frivolous feelings. SELF has become our biggest idol. It’s the reason marriage doesn’t work. SELF!
I understand that some men weaponize their headship in marriage, but bad examples don’t negate good principles. A good husband will not shut his wife up and command her not to leave the house. It doesn’t have to get to that. You advise her on why she can’t go. You don’t threaten
She still has a choice, because you’re not a dictator, but make the repercussions of her choices clear. If you view your headship in marriage as primarily a servant leadership role, using force will be your last resort as a husband. It’s hard but doable.
Even as a man, there are a number of things I can’t do without her permission. I can’t get just any haircut; I can’t shave my beards; I can’t even wear just anything out. There are some instances where my wife have told me I couldn’t go out with her ‘cos of my choice of outfit
There are also instances where I told her she couldn’t leave the house looking a certain way. This is the marriage life, and if you have a grouse with being controlled, stay single. My problem is that some women marry rubbish and now generalize all men to be wicked.
If you can’t trust your husband’s decisions as the head of your home, you married rubbish. Stop dumping that on all men and demonizing manly headship. I read a comment from a feminist woman asking women to only INFORM their husbands, and never ask for permission.
I don’t know how you view family, but as a married man, my family comes first before everything else in my life. Thus, the considerations of my wife are often important and must be adhered to. When we don’t see eye to eye on issues, we revisit the conversation…
If after conversations, my wife and I don’t agree, she defers to my authority as the head. In my almost 2yrs of marriage, my wife has had to defer to my final say just twice. No sane man wakes up commanding his wife around. If you’re doing marriage right, you won’t always get an ego boost. It’s the enemy of self.
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