Business
Self-improvement
Personal Development
Self-help
Real Estate
Negotiation
Negotiation Skills
Effective Communication
Most people suck at negotiation.
Here's an easy framework to get what you want:
Here's an easy framework to get what you want:
• Preparation
Like most things in life, you need to do your homework to succeed.
A good negotiator prepares, going in, to be ready for possible surprises.
A great negotiator aims to use her skills to reveal the surprises she is certain to find.
Like most things in life, you need to do your homework to succeed.
A good negotiator prepares, going in, to be ready for possible surprises.
A great negotiator aims to use her skills to reveal the surprises she is certain to find.
• What do they need
Identify what your counterparts actually need:
• monetarily
• emotionally
and get them feeling safe enough to talk and talk.
Neither wants nor needs are where we start. It begins with:
• listening
• making it about them
• validating their emotions
Identify what your counterparts actually need:
• monetarily
• emotionally
and get them feeling safe enough to talk and talk.
Neither wants nor needs are where we start. It begins with:
• listening
• making it about them
• validating their emotions
• Calibrated questions
Calibrated questions allow the other to respond but they have no fixed answers.
It buys you time.
It gives them the illusion of control.
Ask, "How am I supposed to do that?" and remain silent.
Silence is your friend.
Calibrated questions allow the other to respond but they have no fixed answers.
It buys you time.
It gives them the illusion of control.
Ask, "How am I supposed to do that?" and remain silent.
Silence is your friend.
• Discovery mindset
Your goal is to extract and observe as much information as possible.
Great negotiators:
• question assumptions
• remain open to possibilities
• remain open to a fluid situation
The more information you can get the more likely you'll get what you want.
Your goal is to extract and observe as much information as possible.
Great negotiators:
• question assumptions
• remain open to possibilities
• remain open to a fluid situation
The more information you can get the more likely you'll get what you want.
• What + How
Use "what" and "how" during your negotiation:
• How can I do that
• How can WE solve this
• What can I do to improve this
• What are we trying to accomplish
Use "what" and "how" during your negotiation:
• How can I do that
• How can WE solve this
• What can I do to improve this
• What are we trying to accomplish
• Smile
When people are in a positive frame of mind, they think more quickly,
and are more likely to collaborate and problem-solve with you.
Your goal is to work together towards a win-win situation.
When people are in a positive frame of mind, they think more quickly,
and are more likely to collaborate and problem-solve with you.
Your goal is to work together towards a win-win situation.
• Label their fears
When you name and label their fears, you remove their power.
List the worst things the other party could say about you and say them first.
Perform an accusation audit in advance to prepare you to head off negative dynamics.
When you name and label their fears, you remove their power.
List the worst things the other party could say about you and say them first.
Perform an accusation audit in advance to prepare you to head off negative dynamics.
• Primal urges
Two primal urges drive everyone you meet:
• the need to feel in control
• the need to feel safe and secure
Focus on filling their needs throughout your conversation.
Two primal urges drive everyone you meet:
• the need to feel in control
• the need to feel safe and secure
Focus on filling their needs throughout your conversation.
• Use summaries
A good summary shares the meaning of what was said, and the emotions beneath it.
It paraphrases + labels the conversation.
When you summarize what they say, they feel heard.
People want to feel heard.
A good summary shares the meaning of what was said, and the emotions beneath it.
It paraphrases + labels the conversation.
When you summarize what they say, they feel heard.
People want to feel heard.
• Mirroring
When we mirror someone we imitate them.
It’s a neurobehavior humans use to comfort each other.
It can be done with speech patterns, body language, vocabulary, tempo, and tone of voice.
In negotiation, mirror the words.
Repeat the last few words of your counterpart.
It’s a neurobehavior humans use to comfort each other.
It can be done with speech patterns, body language, vocabulary, tempo, and tone of voice.
In negotiation, mirror the words.
Repeat the last few words of your counterpart.
• That's right
The sweetest two words in any negotiation are “That’s right.”
Silence is powerful, use effective pauses, and
Minimal Encouragers, such as:
• OK
• Yes
• I see
• Uh-huh
• That's right
The sweetest two words in any negotiation are “That’s right.”
Silence is powerful, use effective pauses, and
Minimal Encouragers, such as:
• OK
• Yes
• I see
• Uh-huh
• That's right
• Slow it down
Going too fast is a mistake all negotiators are prone to making.
If you're in a hurry, people can feel as if they’re not being heard.
The goal is for them to feel heard.
When you pause,
When you use silence,
They make mistakes. Not you.
Going too fast is a mistake all negotiators are prone to making.
If you're in a hurry, people can feel as if they’re not being heard.
The goal is for them to feel heard.
When you pause,
When you use silence,
They make mistakes. Not you.
• Focus on emotions
Good negotiators don't ignore emotions.
They identify and influence them.
They label the emotions of others and their own and talk about them without getting wound up.
For them, emotions are a tool.
Good negotiators don't ignore emotions.
They identify and influence them.
They label the emotions of others and their own and talk about them without getting wound up.
For them, emotions are a tool.
• No is the start
“No” is the start of the negotiation, not the end of it.
When you hear "no", pause, then ask solution-based questions or label their effect:
“What about this doesn’t work for you?”
“What would you need to make it work?”
“No” is the start of the negotiation, not the end of it.
When you hear "no", pause, then ask solution-based questions or label their effect:
“What about this doesn’t work for you?”
“What would you need to make it work?”
• Onside statements
When the conversation is going off course and you may lose them, use these two statements:
I'm sorry, let's go back to where I started treating you unfairly and fix it.
I want you to feel as if you're being treated fairly. If you don't, please stop me.
When the conversation is going off course and you may lose them, use these two statements:
I'm sorry, let's go back to where I started treating you unfairly and fix it.
I want you to feel as if you're being treated fairly. If you don't, please stop me.
• The law of 3
Get the other side to agree to something three times in a conversation.
It triples the strength of whatever you are trying to drill home with them.
When they've said it three times they're committing to it subconsciously.
Get the other side to agree to something three times in a conversation.
It triples the strength of whatever you are trying to drill home with them.
When they've said it three times they're committing to it subconsciously.
• Loss aversion theory
Investors place more perceived weight on gains than losses.
They are more likely to act to avert a loss than to achieve a gain.
Use this to your advantage:
• Frame the upside, and
• Highlight the averted loss
Investors place more perceived weight on gains than losses.
They are more likely to act to avert a loss than to achieve a gain.
Use this to your advantage:
• Frame the upside, and
• Highlight the averted loss
This thread was based on the book: Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss and my experiences in life.
Chris Voss was an FBI hostage negotiator where splitting the difference meant life or death.
Buy the book here:
amazon.ca
Chris Voss was an FBI hostage negotiator where splitting the difference meant life or death.
Buy the book here:
amazon.ca
TL;DR:
To improve your negotiation skills, understand:
• Smile
• Mirroring
• That's right
• Preparation
• The law of 3
• Primal urges
• What + How
• Label the fears
• Use summaries
• Discovery mindset
• Focus on emotions
• What do they need
• Calibrated questions
To improve your negotiation skills, understand:
• Smile
• Mirroring
• That's right
• Preparation
• The law of 3
• Primal urges
• What + How
• Label the fears
• Use summaries
• Discovery mindset
• Focus on emotions
• What do they need
• Calibrated questions
These threads take a long time to write for you.
If you enjoyed this, please:
1. Follow @IAmClintMurphy
2. Share the first tweet in the thread 👇
Until tomorrow,
Clint Murphy
If you enjoyed this, please:
1. Follow @IAmClintMurphy
2. Share the first tweet in the thread 👇
Until tomorrow,
Clint Murphy
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