Many of us grew up with emotionally immature parents and deal with the lifelong impact.
HERE’S SOME OF THEM (🧵):
HERE’S SOME OF THEM (🧵):
Emotionally immature parents (EIP) can be great at getting your basic needs met.
Meaning they provide you with a home, an education, and they make sure you’re where you need to be. They’re there if you’re sick or in crisis.
Meaning they provide you with a home, an education, and they make sure you’re where you need to be. They’re there if you’re sick or in crisis.
But, they aren’t capable of meeting the emotional needs of their children.
This means they might dismiss how you feel, tell you to “just stop worrying,” or not try to understand your perspective at all.
This means they might dismiss how you feel, tell you to “just stop worrying,” or not try to understand your perspective at all.
This is because emotionally immature parents (EIP) don’t understand their own inner world or emotions.
When they feel an uncomfortable emotion or when they’re insecure, they’re highly reactive.
When they feel an uncomfortable emotion or when they’re insecure, they’re highly reactive.
They might lash out or shut down (give the silent treatment.)
Or, ignore issues all together.
Because they haven’t fully emotionally developed, they lack emotional skills.
Or, ignore issues all together.
Because they haven’t fully emotionally developed, they lack emotional skills.
For example: they can’t respond in calm ways, work through problems, communication openly, or take personal accountability.
EIP tend to be highly reactive, have black & white thinking, always believe they’re right, & blame other people for issues.
EIP tend to be highly reactive, have black & white thinking, always believe they’re right, & blame other people for issues.
Children growing up with EIP learn that their needs, emotions, & opinions don’t matter.
This is because the home environment runs solely around how their parent feels.
Even more confusing is the mixed messaging.
This is because the home environment runs solely around how their parent feels.
Even more confusing is the mixed messaging.
EIP might say things like: “my life revolves around you” or “I sacrificed everything for you”
The child feels confused because they’ve never gotten emotional connection.
The relationship is translational. And mostly based on how the parent feels.
The child feels confused because they’ve never gotten emotional connection.
The relationship is translational. And mostly based on how the parent feels.
Adult children raised by EIP struggle to understand their own needs because a parent dismissed or invalidated them.
They also don’t know how to communicate how they feel. And, at the same time believe they’re a burden— or “too much.”
They also don’t know how to communicate how they feel. And, at the same time believe they’re a burden— or “too much.”
Because they’ve never been able to set boundaries or have their own emotional independence— they might be mocked when they try to do so as adults.
This painful rejection compounds years of trauma.
This painful rejection compounds years of trauma.
Healing is about understanding that your parents actual age & their developmental age might be a mismatch.
Internally, they might be 7 years old.
This is helpful when placing boundaries with them or interacting with them.
Internally, they might be 7 years old.
This is helpful when placing boundaries with them or interacting with them.
EIP cannot give us the love we always wanted. Which is why it’s important to focus on reparenting yourself.
Understanding your own needs. Setting boundaries. And discovering you who truly are.
Understanding your own needs. Setting boundaries. And discovering you who truly are.
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