In order to have healthy relationships, we have to have open communication. Open communication involves asking questions, listening, and mutual sharing.
Without this, resentment creeps in.
HERE’S TIPS FOR BETTER COMMUNICATION 🧵:
Without this, resentment creeps in.
HERE’S TIPS FOR BETTER COMMUNICATION 🧵:
In order to fully understand where your partner is coming from, we can’t assume. We have to ask.
Let’s say they tell us: “I wish you could show me more that you love me or care about me.”
Instead of becoming defensive:
Let’s say they tell us: “I wish you could show me more that you love me or care about me.”
Instead of becoming defensive:
“I work so hard for everything we have.” Or “we just spent a weekend away just like you wanted!”
We can say: “What does showing you I love you look like for you?”
The more calm, neutral, and open we are the more safe someone feels expressing themselves.
We can say: “What does showing you I love you look like for you?”
The more calm, neutral, and open we are the more safe someone feels expressing themselves.
They may say “I just want more physical affection”
Our knee jerk reaction might be to become defensive and list all the times we are physically affectionate with them.
Instead we can (again) ask a question:
Our knee jerk reaction might be to become defensive and list all the times we are physically affectionate with them.
Instead we can (again) ask a question:
“What kind of physical affection?”
In this conversation we might find out our partner is looking for affection that doesn’t have to lead to intimacy: things like hand holding, or a kiss on the forehead.
In this conversation we might find out our partner is looking for affection that doesn’t have to lead to intimacy: things like hand holding, or a kiss on the forehead.
When they share, we can become even more emotionally intimate and ask: “how do you feel when you don’t get physical affection?
They might say: disconnected, lonely, or rejected.
They might say: disconnected, lonely, or rejected.
With all of this information, we can let our partner know they were heard:
“I get that it’s through physical affection that you feel loved and cared for. I think I’m showing you this through working hard and providing for us. And through this conversation…
“I get that it’s through physical affection that you feel loved and cared for. I think I’m showing you this through working hard and providing for us. And through this conversation…
I’m learning I can show you this through holding your hand and just being present with you in that way. I’m going to do this more because I would never want you to feel rejected. And I definitely want to feel connected.”
Last, you went to acknowledge them for opening up: “thank you for talking about this with me.”
This is relational safety. We create relational safety by having difficult conversations without becoming defensive and by asking more questions than assuming.
This is relational safety. We create relational safety by having difficult conversations without becoming defensive and by asking more questions than assuming.
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