Splitting is a common coping mechanism where we lack the ability to hold multiple truths at once. It’s an attempt to quickly label something (or someone) as “all good” or “all bad.”
Rarely are things this back and white.
A THREAD 🧵:
Rarely are things this back and white.
A THREAD 🧵:
Splitting is an attempt to find safety or make sense of the people around us, or events we go through.
It can cause a lot of dysfunctional behaviors because many things can be (and usually are) true at once.
It can cause a lot of dysfunctional behaviors because many things can be (and usually are) true at once.
Examples of splitting:
- person is a perfect savior, or an evil con artist
- entire groups of people are either all good, or entirely bad
- specific topic is 100% truth, and other topic is 100% a lie
- person is a perfect savior, or an evil con artist
- entire groups of people are either all good, or entirely bad
- specific topic is 100% truth, and other topic is 100% a lie
- making quick judgments about an entire person’s motive of character
- shutting down or feeling attacked if people don’t share the same view
- demonizing someone if the desired outcome didn’t happen
- not allowing for human mistakes or imperfections
- shutting down or feeling attacked if people don’t share the same view
- demonizing someone if the desired outcome didn’t happen
- not allowing for human mistakes or imperfections
Sometimes these viewpoints can change quickly. For example: one day someone or something is idealized.
The next day someone or something is demonized.
Temporary feelings define the person’s viewpoint.
The next day someone or something is demonized.
Temporary feelings define the person’s viewpoint.
Splitting is an attempt to cope with life’s uncertainties.
It can feel safer to make absolute statements than it is to be emotionally vulnerable and acknowledge:
It can feel safer to make absolute statements than it is to be emotionally vulnerable and acknowledge:
- people are rarely entirely good or entirely bad— we’re all flawed an imperfect
- it hurts to be disappointed or let down by someone
- we might never know why someone did something and it doesn’t reflect on us
- it hurts to be disappointed or let down by someone
- we might never know why someone did something and it doesn’t reflect on us
- it’s ok to feel many different things about one situation (ex: an ex partner may have been selfish while also having times where they’re very considerate and loving.)
To heal from splitting, it’s helpful to learn how to deal with uncomfortable...
To heal from splitting, it’s helpful to learn how to deal with uncomfortable...
Or conflicting emotions. Rather than reacting to them, we can breathe and pause.
Through practice we will see just how often our feelings change and learn we don’t need to declare everything we experience as “all good” or “all bad.”
Through practice we will see just how often our feelings change and learn we don’t need to declare everything we experience as “all good” or “all bad.”
We can stay curious and open and no longer look for safety or security in absolutes that don’t actually exist.
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