Learning how to disagree with someone in a healthy way can completely transform your relationships
HERE'S HOW:
HERE'S HOW:
It's healthy and natural to disagree with people.
Because many of us weren't taught communication skills, we unconsciously gaslight people or invalidate their realities.
This leaves others feeling: hurt, dismissed, or resentful.
Because many of us weren't taught communication skills, we unconsciously gaslight people or invalidate their realities.
This leaves others feeling: hurt, dismissed, or resentful.
Steps to Healthy Disagreement:
1. Meet your ego: when we disagree with someone, our ego comes in to protect us.
When we're not aware of our own ego, we can feel like our opinions are a part of who they are. They're not, and people are allowed to disagree.
1. Meet your ego: when we disagree with someone, our ego comes in to protect us.
When we're not aware of our own ego, we can feel like our opinions are a part of who they are. They're not, and people are allowed to disagree.
2. Don't invalidate the other person: invalidation involves denying the way another person sees something.
Ex: Someone says you hurt their feelings and you respond with "You're just too sensitive." Or, "I never even said that, you just don't remember."
Ex: Someone says you hurt their feelings and you respond with "You're just too sensitive." Or, "I never even said that, you just don't remember."
3. Know when you're too emotionally activated: when we're highly emotionally activated we say things we don't mean, can become hostile, or completely shut down.
If you're at this point, THAT'S OK! Just verbalize that you need a break.
If you're at this point, THAT'S OK! Just verbalize that you need a break.
Gaslighting: "You are overreacting right now."
Healthy disagreement: "I can tell this is important to both of us, and we just see it differently."
Healthy disagreement: "I can tell this is important to both of us, and we just see it differently."
Gaslighting: "So what you're saying is..." (describes your own perspective)"
Healthy disagreement: "Are you saying x?" Then actively listening to the answer from a place of curiosity.
Healthy disagreement: "Are you saying x?" Then actively listening to the answer from a place of curiosity.
Gaslighting: "You did this because of x!"
Note: we actually can't know another persons motives and are rarely conscious to our own.
Healthy disagreement: "Help me understand your thoughts process more clearly?"
Note: we actually can't know another persons motives and are rarely conscious to our own.
Healthy disagreement: "Help me understand your thoughts process more clearly?"
Gaslighting: "Oh god you are brainwashed by (school, the news, your friends, etc.)
Healthy disagreement: "I can see why you think or feel that way."
Healthy disagreement: "I can see why you think or feel that way."
Gaslighting: "You twist things"
Healthy disagreement: "We're talking in circles and clearly don't agree. Lets agree to disagree."
Healthy disagreement: "We're talking in circles and clearly don't agree. Lets agree to disagree."
Gaslighting: "You really should do x"
Healthy disagreement: "I know what's best for me, and don't need any help making my decisions right now."
Healthy disagreement: "I know what's best for me, and don't need any help making my decisions right now."
Gaslighting: "If you cared about x, you would do x"
Healthy disagreement: "I hear that you don't agree, and my choices aren't up for debate."
Healthy disagreement: "I hear that you don't agree, and my choices aren't up for debate."
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I write threads every day on how to heal yourself.
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I write threads every day on how to heal yourself.
Pre-order my new workbook: howtomeetyourself.com
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