Rattibha

Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

13 Tweets 798 reads Jan 07, 2023

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Siblings can grow up in the same home, but have completely different experiences of their childhood and their parents.
Here's why:

When a child is born, they're born into a set of emotional circumstances.
These emotional circumstances are created by: the relationship between parents, the ages of parents (and where they're at in their own growth), economic factors, career factors, etc.

For example: one sibling is born to parents at 26 years old, right after their marriage. The couple faces financial pressure and the pressures of learning to navigate life together.
Their first child is the center of their universe.

But, one parent is heavily invested in establishing their career path.
4 years later, with an established career and at a very different stage in their relationship, this couple has their second child.

This child has a completely different perspective on their parents. Financial circumstances have changed, and the parent's relationship is more stable and secure.
The parent who feels they missed much of their first child's life is heavily involved.

Forming a different bond with the second born child.
3 years later, a third child is born. The parents (at this stage in their relationship) are emotionally disconnected.
And distant with each other.

The child senses this disconnection right away. Unconsciously, the 3rd born child seeks attachment stability to cope with the felt emotional disconnect.
Meaning: the 3rd child is "overly needy" of one parent's affection.

That parent feels loved and needed, but this puts more of a strain on the marriage.
The other parent is emotionally triggered by the child's desire of closeness.
They feel rejected or abandoned by that child.

They then direct their affection to the first born child of the "golden child" of the home.
Each child experiences the parent differently and each child brings out different aspects of each parent.

For example:
- one sibling is stubborn or head strong and this triggers the parent who grew up in a with a stubborn father they had a conflicted relationship with

- one sibling is highly emotionally sensitive and this creates a deep bond with their parent who is also highly emotionally sensitive
Ultimately, each child meets different parts of each parent.
At different seasons and stages of their lives.

No siblings will view their parents in the same way, because their parents become different people throughout the years.
With different: needs, goals, agendas, and desires.

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