Rattibha

How I learned I was a child in an adult body and what I did to help myself mature:

Ideally, we go through each developmental stage. This how we develop our sense of self and become a mature adult. Not everyone becomes a mature adult.

I, like many people were raised by emotionally immature parents (EIP) who haven't matured themselves.
EIP are unable to self regulate, and tend to focus on themselves which leads them unable to meet the emotional needs of children.

Signs of Emotionally Immature Parents (EIP):
- highly defensive
- centers themselves and how they feel in every interaction
- invalidates emotions ("you're too sensitive")
- externalizes or blames others for their actions or behaviors ("you made me do x")

- highly opinionated can can't tolerate disagreement
- engages in black and white thinking
- can shame or mock

We mimic our parent figures level of maturity.
I saw I had the same traits as my emotionally immature parents.
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In my early 30s I:
- had no boundaries
- blamed others for my issues
- struggled with communication
- didn't understand how I actually felt
- expected people to just know what I wanted

When I was upset, I would shut down. Stomp off. Slam doors. I could sit in anger and withdraw my love. When I started practicing self witnessing, I saw a lot of my behaviors were child like.
Specifically, when I was upset.

This is because when we're emotionally activated, we tend to age regress (or cope in the ways we did when we were children.)

I realized that I had an opportunity and responsibility to mature and learn how to cope with life in a way I didn't learn.
Maturing is taking our power back.

First, I focused on learning how to communicate. This meant:
- letting my partner know what my needs were rather than expecting them to read my mind
- practicing active listening
- taking breaks when I was too overwhelmed
- having difficult conversations

Then, I focused on pausing before reacting. This meant:
- not saying everything I thought
- not making impulsive emotional choices in fear or anger
- becoming self aware enough to make intentional choices based on values, not my emotions

Next, I focused on learning to have boundaries and be direct. This meant:
- saying no without over-explaining or over-apologizing
- being honest with how I felt even when it was scary
- not expecting my partner to meet every one of my needs

Lastly, I focused on self development. This meant:
- moving my body every day
- taking responsibility for my own behavior
- not externalizing or placing blame
- controlling what I was able to control: myself
- accepting other people as they are

Maturing is really about re-raising yourself.
It's about being the wise, kind parent that our younger self wishes they had.

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