As the golden child, I learned to suppress my own needs, to achieve, and to be as easy as possible in order to be loved.
Here's some signs you were the golden child:
Here's some signs you were the golden child:
The golden child is the child who becomes highly self reliant and almost appears to raise themselves.
Sometimes people will notice the golden child is "mature for their age."
Sometimes people will notice the golden child is "mature for their age."
Having a chronically ill parent meant I was often my own parent, emotionally. And, I placed a lot of pressure on myself.
This led to extreme anxiety. And extreme shyness.
This led to extreme anxiety. And extreme shyness.
By 10, I started having nightmares about people breaking in, or my parents dying overnight.
It wasn't something I talked about, I kept it to myself. I never wanted to burden anyone with how I felt and never felt comfortable asking for help.
It wasn't something I talked about, I kept it to myself. I never wanted to burden anyone with how I felt and never felt comfortable asking for help.
I had learned to wear a mask and to people please.
Externally, I looked like I had it all together. But internally (like the golden child often does) I suffered in silence.
Externally, I looked like I had it all together. But internally (like the golden child often does) I suffered in silence.
As an adult I:
- didn't have a true sense of self: my sense of self came through accomplishments and external validation
- feared making mistakes or letting anyone see my flaws
- had no boundaries and often betrayed myself in relationships
- didn't have a true sense of self: my sense of self came through accomplishments and external validation
- feared making mistakes or letting anyone see my flaws
- had no boundaries and often betrayed myself in relationships
I think of recovering from being a golden child as recovering out authentic self. Allowing our entire humanity to be seen without playing a role. And, not beating myself up or needing to grip to perfectionism or control to feel safe.
Here's something I learned as I've healed:
1. Find supportive people: after a lifetime of fear and shame of not being perfect, supportive people who accept all of our humanity is medicine.
1. Find supportive people: after a lifetime of fear and shame of not being perfect, supportive people who accept all of our humanity is medicine.
2. Plan unstructured time: as the golden child we tend to overbook, over plan, and obsessively keep ourselves busy to avoid and escape ourselves. Now, I plan unstructured time with no out come that is just for me.
3. It's ok to disappoint people. I spent most of my life doing anything I could to never disappoint. I feared that disappointing someone meant I was wrong and believed my role was to manage how other adults felt (like childhood.) This is no longer my role.
4. Learn to ask for, and accept help: many adults who were the golden child try to take everything on themselves and even wear this as a badge of honor because help wasn't always there for us. Today, I ask for help and practice accepting it.
5. Learn how to communicate needs: many of us learned our needs didn't matter and don't know how to actually communicate our needs. Today I practice understanding, meeting, and asking for needs to be met.
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I write threads every day on how to heal yourself.
Join the waitlist for SelfHealers Circle my global healing community: theholisticpsychologist.com
I write threads every day on how to heal yourself.
Join the waitlist for SelfHealers Circle my global healing community: theholisticpsychologist.com
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