If you show frustration or anger through: sighing, giving the silent treatment, or making sarcastic comments, you have a passive aggressive communication style.
Here's why:
Here's why:
We learn to communicate this way when we grow up in a home where we never witness adults: directly talk about, process, and find solutions to their issues.
If you've been raised in this environment you might:
- disappear or avoid people where there's conflict
- say you're fine when you aren't
- expect people to "just know" what you want
- be hypervigilant of what people think of you
- disappear or avoid people where there's conflict
- say you're fine when you aren't
- expect people to "just know" what you want
- be hypervigilant of what people think of you
- have an urge or belief you've always done something wrong
- wonder if people are holding back true feeling about you
- ask people if they're mad or upset with you, consistently
- wonder if people are holding back true feeling about you
- ask people if they're mad or upset with you, consistently
This can be because as a child, you had to read adults emotions, rather than openly talking about them.
It's helpful to understand conflict isn't bad. Conflict can actually create emotional intimacy.
Active communication sounds like:
- "I feel hurt I wasn't invited"
- "I don't like being pressured after I said no"
- "I get overwhelmed when you interrupt me in our conversations"
- "I want you to ask me before making plans for us"
- "I feel hurt I wasn't invited"
- "I don't like being pressured after I said no"
- "I get overwhelmed when you interrupt me in our conversations"
- "I want you to ask me before making plans for us"
- "I need more notice. Planning ahead is important for me."
- "That's not funny to me, please stop."
- "That's not funny to me, please stop."
Active communication doesn't personalize, become defensive, or reject what other people feel. It simply allows us to communicate what our own feelings in direct and healthy ways.
This means practicing: emotional regulation, learning to breathe before reacting, and learning to pause when you notice yourself becoming defensive.
Active communication focuses on: "I"
Active communication focuses on: "I"
"I feel" or "I noticed" or "I am"
Rather than: "You always" "You didn't" or "You should have."
This allows us to communicate without creating a defensive response in the other person.
Rather than: "You always" "You didn't" or "You should have."
This allows us to communicate without creating a defensive response in the other person.
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