People don't actually want advice. They already know what they should be doing. They want someone to listen and support them.
Here's how to stop giving unsolicited advice:
Here's how to stop giving unsolicited advice:
Unsolicited advice sounds like:
- "if I were you I would"
- "what worked for me is..."
- "you should really leave him/her"
- "Don't take that job its too risky"
Unsolicited advice is what we do when we feel uncomfortable. It's usually an unconscious habit.
- "if I were you I would"
- "what worked for me is..."
- "you should really leave him/her"
- "Don't take that job its too risky"
Unsolicited advice is what we do when we feel uncomfortable. It's usually an unconscious habit.
Unsolicited advice can feel very invalidating for the other person. People are actually looking to be heard. And it also gives people a sense that you believe you know what's better for them than they do.
Many of us have grown up in codependent homes where we feel it's still our job to fix, or remove 'negative' feelings from other people.
As adults, that is not our role. People will deeply appreciate us allow them to just be.
As adults, that is not our role. People will deeply appreciate us allow them to just be.
Here's some things you can say instead of giving unsolicited advice:
1. "I can imagine that's a really tough situation"
2. "How can I support you?"
3. "That sounds hurtful."
4. "I'm just here to listen."
5. "I know you know what's best for you in this situation."
This might feel awkward especially if you do have a pattern of being a fixer. You will need to sit within uncomfortable feelings and allow another person to be within them as well.
With practice, you'll see how differently people respond to you holding space and how much more connected you feel to those around you.
If you found this helpful follow: @Theholisticpsyc
I write threads every day on how to heal yourself.
Join the waitlist for SelfHealers Circle my global healing community: theholisticpsychologist.com
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I write threads every day on how to heal yourself.
Join the waitlist for SelfHealers Circle my global healing community: theholisticpsychologist.com
My new workbook:
howtomeetyourself.com
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