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5 Ways We Self Sabotage And Why:
1. Pushing someone away when we have strong feelings for them.
We want connection, but connection wasn't safe in our past so we subconsciously engage in behavior that pushes people away because we can't trust connection.
We want connection, but connection wasn't safe in our past so we subconsciously engage in behavior that pushes people away because we can't trust connection.
2. Committing to things we know we don't have time for
People pleasers fear saying no or disappointing anyone. Being liked makes us feel safe, so over-committing (even though it creates stress) is a consistent pattern.
People pleasers fear saying no or disappointing anyone. Being liked makes us feel safe, so over-committing (even though it creates stress) is a consistent pattern.
3. Not telling people when they upset you or when you're hurt
It's important to communicate our true feelings, but if we were shamed, mocked, or dismissed in the past when we explained how we felt, we can shut down to stay safe.
It's important to communicate our true feelings, but if we were shamed, mocked, or dismissed in the past when we explained how we felt, we can shut down to stay safe.
4. Over-explaining: explaining each decision you make even minor decisions to friends family & sometimes even strangers.
Through over-explaining we try to keep ourselves safe from being abandoned or rejected because we believe we can't make our own choices.
Through over-explaining we try to keep ourselves safe from being abandoned or rejected because we believe we can't make our own choices.
5. Gossiping
Gossiping gives us an illusion of having connection and that we fit in (feeling safe). In reality, gossip damages our relationships and creates deep layers of distrust and betrayal over time.
Gossiping gives us an illusion of having connection and that we fit in (feeling safe). In reality, gossip damages our relationships and creates deep layers of distrust and betrayal over time.
It's important to be kind to ourselves as we witness patterns of self sabotage. Over time, with practice, we can unlearn these behaviors and become more vulnerable with the people we love.
Which self sabotage pattern do you notice MOST in yourself from this list? Let's talk in the comments.
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