Rattibha

Let's talk about avoidant attachment and why you might feel uncomfortable getting close to people:

People with avoidant attachment patterns are extremely independent. They tend to be lone wolf types who are uncomfortable being vulnerable or expressing how they feel.

We Can Develop Avoidant Attachment Style from:
- parent figures who rarely respond to crying
- repressed, emotionally shut down parent figures
- distracted/stressed parents who treat child as burden
- being mocked or teased
- lack of love or affection

Without a healthy parent to attach and feel safe, with we learn that intimacy dangerous, and that we cannot count on people to show up and care of us. Often people with avoidant attachment are highly dissociated and show little to no emotion.

How Avoidant Attachment Shows Up In Relationships:
- discomfort with physical or verbal affection
- a feeling that partner is too clingy or needy
- never asking for help
- obsessing over keeping independence in relationship

- a deep sense of needing not be tied down by someone else
- a fear of abandonment that if they give up parts of their life for anyone
- lack of eye contact
- intense armor or protection around expressing feelings
- distant
- emotionally unavailable

Often people in with avoidant attachment patterns choose partners who have anxious attachment patterns, and they will find their partners desire for connection to be overwhelming or even annoying.

How to Heal Avoidant Attachment:
1. Start to self witness: begin with identifying your patterns and notice how your body feels when expressing feelings and when people express their feelings to you.

2. Learn what your needs are: after being disconnected from needs for a long period of time, understanding and honoring needs is key in healing. Start to notice when you do want to be close, and when it feels too much and you need space.

3. Talk about your attachment style with your partner: study, learn, and talk about your attachment style with your partner. This will open up communication and allow you to support each other better.

4. Practice vulnerability: practice doing things like asking for help, sharing your opinions or thoughts, or talking about things that make you uncomfortable with people you trust.

Remember, attachment patterns are primarily created from birth to age 7, so there are no quick fixes. Healing is a journey of having great levels of awareness and loving yourself through the process.

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