Rattibha

Dr. Nicole LePera

8 Tweets 108 reads Feb 05, 2023

The difference between healthy and dysfunctional relationships is the ability to repair. Few people know how to practice this.
How To Repair:

Repair is the ability to come back together after conflict, disagreement, or after hurtful behavior. Repair says: "you matter to me, and I care about coming back together, emotionally."

Repair between partners sounds like:
- "I'm so sorry I took my stressful day out on you"
- "What I said wasn't ok, and I apologize for it. I love you."
- "No matter how frustrated I get, it's not ok for me to yell at you, you are so important to me."

Repair between parents and children sounds like:
- "I got really frustrated and lost my temper. I'm sorry if I scared you. You didn't deserve that"
- "The way I reacted back there was harsh and unkind. I am sorry and love you very much."

Repair between friends sounds like:
- "I realized I wasn't there for you in the way you wanted me to be. I value your friendship so much."
- "I got caught up in my own feelings, and wish I responded differently."

Many of us grew up in homes without repair.
So after conflict we: went on as if nothing happened, gave dismissive apologies ("I'm sorry you took it the wrong way") or avoided conflict all together.
Sometimes conflict meant extreme chaos or abuse.

Healthy conflict is a natural part of human relationships.
All parents will snap at their children. All people will say things they regret to a partners, friends, or family.
Repair allows us to heal.

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