Rattibha

Is your relationship with your partner actually a parent-child relationship?
Here's how you can tell:
(take a deep breath before reading)

1. There's an attempt to control or be "rule makers"
Giving ultimatums or punishments are common signs of a parent-child dynamic. Think back to when this happened to you as a child and how helpless and powerless you felt. Adults feel the same.

2. There's enabling
Enabling is when we do something for someone that they could do themselves that leads to negative consequences, longterm. Common when partners come from codependent homes.

3. There's acting out to get needs met
Ex: partner disappears, turns off phone for periods of time, acts out emotionally with someone else
These behaviors are child-like behaviors that often show emotional unavailability.

4. There's a belief partners can and should meet all of our needs.
Children attempt to have every need met by their parent figures, which is impossible. Ideally, (with time) we learn to accept people's limitations.

5. There's a belief that people can mind-read.
Children are in an ego centric state of development where they believe that people can read their minds. Sometimes, we carry this expectation into adulthoods. To have our needs met, we must clearly communicate.

If you notice these dynamics in your relationship, don't panic.
It's actually quite common to fall into these patterns.
If we stay in these patterns resentment can build.

We can also experience: lack of attraction (obviously being in a relationship with a pseudo parent-figure isn't attractive), anxiety, and if it continues for long enough, contempt.
Contempt is a relationship killer.

Here's how to get out of this pattern:
1. Have an open conversations about it: change starts with transparency

2. Set boundaries

3. Notice when you're entering into "parent mode" be honest with yourself and understand the underlying feelings you're having (usually fear)

4. Start clearly communicating your needs

5. Work together on your emotional maturity and how you cope with stress/relationship conflict

6. Learn healthy repair (see my thread for a full breakdown "learning repair)

Let's talk about it...
HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED THIS DYNAMIC IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? How so? and what did you learn from it? 👇 Comment below.

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