Addiction is a coping mechanism and a way we attempt to soothe our nervous system.
Here's a compassionate (and honest) way to think about addiction:
Here's a compassionate (and honest) way to think about addiction:
The way we handle stress and cope with life, has to do with our level of self regulation.
When we cry as babies, we cannot self regulate. We need a predictable, open, and regulated adult to calm (or soothe us.)
When we cry as babies, we cannot self regulate. We need a predictable, open, and regulated adult to calm (or soothe us.)
It's through this process (called attunement) that our nervous system goes back into a calm, balanced, regulated state.
Children who develop self regulation become adults who can: handle stress, cope in healthy ways, and far less addictive behaviors.
Children who develop self regulation become adults who can: handle stress, cope in healthy ways, and far less addictive behaviors.
Many parents have their own unresolved trauma, chronic stress, substance use issues, and chronic dissociation that leaves them unable to attune to us and help us self soothe.
As children, we internalize this as abandonment and develop shame based beliefs.
As children, we internalize this as abandonment and develop shame based beliefs.
We can't understand: our parent figures have to work all the time, that society doesn't support parents, or that our parent figure is just distracted which is why we spend so much time alone.
Some shame based beliefs:
- I'm unlovable
- Everyone will eventually leave me
- What I say doesn't matter
- I'm worthless
- I'm unlovable
- Everyone will eventually leave me
- What I say doesn't matter
- I'm worthless
When we can't self soothe in healthy ways, we find things to soothe us that provide relief short term, and damage long term.
In other words, we develop addictions.
This can be: alcohol, pornography, food, relationships, sex, scrolling, workaholism, etc.
In other words, we develop addictions.
This can be: alcohol, pornography, food, relationships, sex, scrolling, workaholism, etc.
There's so much shame and stigma around addiction, but the reality is addictive behaviors are adaptations.
Our body is seeking something to help calm our internal sensations and our intense, overwhelming, racing thoughts.
Our body is seeking something to help calm our internal sensations and our intense, overwhelming, racing thoughts.
People suffering from addiction, are actually suffering with the inability to self regulate.
They're suffering from deep emotional pain.
And, they're suffering from separation of their true Self.
They're suffering from deep emotional pain.
And, they're suffering from separation of their true Self.
As a culture, we have to understand that addiction is a response to pain, to emotional abandonment, and an attempt to regulate a dysregulated nervous system.
Please share this thread so that we can bring awareness to the neurobiology of addiction.
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I write threads every day on how to heal yourself.
Join @selfhealerscirc Today we're hosting a 4 hour workshop on addiction:
theholisticpsychologist.com
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